An Antidote for Hope-ium : Mindfulness
False hope impedes growth and relational connection . Mindfulness may help .
THE BASICS What Is Mindfulness ?
KEY POINTS
• “ Hope-ium ” describes a harmful behaviour that looks for small moments or experiences to bolster false hope .
• Hope-ium is a druglike response to avoid the hard realities of a problematic relationship .
• Mindful acceptance is the first step in sorting through the issues of the relationship .
• Acceptance is not condoning or approving of bad behaviour , it is recognising what reality is .
The pattern of struggle was well-established : Sarah would voice a concern and Troy would blow up , yell , or give her the silent treatment until she acknowledged the problem was hers alone . Troy would later say he knew he was out of control , but she was the one who pushed his buttons . Sarah didn ’ t want to face how bad the relationship had gotten , so she convinced herself ( and it didn ’ t take much convincing ) that she could manage Troy ’ s outbursts better next time . She could be more accommodating . With that hope , she carried on .
Patrick Doyle [ i ], a therapist , coined the term “ hope-ium ” to describe when a person denies harmful behaviour and instead looks for small moments or experiences that bolster the false hope that they are not being harmed or that things will magically change . Doyle asks people to consider the connection between hope and a painkiller . If painkillers are used for a short time to overcome a difficult event ( like surgery ) that ’ s an appropriate and necessary use . However , painkillers can become problematic when they are relied upon , and the person is dependent . In this case , painkillers prohibit growth , healing ,