… which fits with the next question .
10 . Do your client and their partner want different things ?
Susan wanted to have children , live in the country , and start a small business . Her partner Rob wanted to wait 10 years ( by which time Susan would be 50 !) before having children . He hated the countryside and was happy to continue in his undemanding 9-to-5 job . Nothing wrong with either set of aspirations , but they were not the same aspirations . What aspirations , dreams , and goals do your client and their partner have ? Is there good alignment between them , or are they really heading in different directions ? Or , at the risk of sounding melodramatic , are there more sinister problems to consider ?
11 . Is your client with a toxic person ?
Some clients describe abusive behaviours in their partners , whether that be psychological manipulation or actual physical threats or harm . Does it sound as though your client lives with or is dating a narcissist or even a psychopath ? Or do you suspect your client ’ s own narcissistic behaviour may be causing problems in their relationship ? Your client may have gotten into the habit of blaming themselves if their partner has been guilt tripping them or otherwise manipulating them . If you hear words like : “ My partner tells me I ’ m to blame for everything that ’ s wrong ”, it might be that they are being excessively blamed . And when that happens , it ’ s easy to tip over into excessive self-blame . Once we are ‘ infected ’ by a toxic person , we treat ourselves as badly as they do . If your client is being guilt tripped by their partner , they may feel that they themselves are the problem , when in fact they may not be . Ascertain whether your client may be in an abusive relationship . If your client is in physical danger , you need to strongly advise that they seek safety , and help them to do so . Ultimately , relationships should be self-sustaining and mutually supportive . But what does this mean ?
12 . To what extent do your client and their partner meet one another ’ s needs ?
We all , of course , have an array of physical and emotional needs imbued by nature to help us survive and thrive . Now , while it ’ s wise to meet our needs from different sources so that we don ’ t risk feeling we ’ ve lost all emotional sustenance if , say , a relationship breaks