Being there for your partner when things go right ( as well as when they go wrong , of course !) is a sign of relationship health . 9 Conversely , being indifferent or , worse , envious when your partner earns that degree or completes that novel is a sign of rising relationship rot . One client told me how his wife sneered at him when he got promoted at work , telling him it was because his employers didn ’ t really know him properly ! He ’ d come for help with his self-esteem issues , and I could see his marriage just might be one of them . And talking of self-esteem …
7 . Is emotional insecurity damaging the relationship ?
Is your client extremely insecure in their relationship ? Is their partner ? Certainly emotional insecurity can drive intimacy from any relationship as one partner starts to feel mistrusted or over monitored . It ’ s hard to feel close to someone we feel fundamentally mistrusts us , is chronically jealous , or monitors our every move to the point of being a control freak . You may have to work with your client on their insecurity . Letting one another have privacy and space is also vital .
8 . Do your client and their partner have space and privacy in their relationship ?
Sometimes relationships go sour because of lack of space . One couple I knew ( who eventually parted ways ) felt their relationship never had a chance to ‘ breathe ’. Both sets of parents lived with them , and one of the mothers was particularly controlling . She never seemed to let them have any alone time together . On top of this they both worked shifts , which meant that , quite often , when one was at home the other was working and vice versa . Do your client and their partner have regular time alone together ( and if so , do they enjoy those times )? But do they also give one another space ? Relationship problems can sometimes be more fundamental though .
9 . Is your client with the wrong person ?
I never suggest a client separate from their partner . After all , I ’ m just there to help them see wider context and possibilities . But sometimes clients come to their own conclusion that they have little in common with their partner . Complementing interests can be fine . People do and should have their own interests , and no couple needs to do everything together . But if there are fundamental worldview differences , little overlap in humour , or your client constantly wonders what they ever saw in their partner , they may be with the wrong person . Or they may have simply ‘ grown apart ’ and become very different people …