• Do they feel lonely within their relationship ?
• Do they feel close , loved , and loving towards their partner ?
• Can they relax with their partner and feel safe and calm ?
• Are there satisfying levels of nonsexual touch and affection , such as hugging , as well as sex ?
• Do they laugh with their partner ? Shared laughter has been shown to be one of the strongest predictors of relationship longevity . 4
Of course , levels of conflict , the type of conflict , and conflict resolution are also hugely important .
3 . What about arguments ?
Never arguing might signal that a couple have simply disengaged from one another . If people stop ‘ hearing ’ one another , if they are no longer interested or invested in each other ’ s points of view , then passionate arguments may stop altogether simply because communication has stopped . Boredom and lack of challenge can also corrode relationships . Some couples argue more than others , and that ’ s not always a bad thing if it works for them . Of course , the nature of the argument is key here . Arguments can be scary and vicious … or they can be calm and logical . When done right , they can often help ‘ clear the air ’ and prevent prolonged , agonizing ‘ atmospheres ’ between couples . So the presence of arguing isn ’ t necessarily an indicator of a relationship gone bad , and its absence is certainly not always a good thing . The questions to consider are : Have arguments increased in frequency and severity ? Are they vicious and unkind ? How are they resolved ? Couples who can say sorry sincerely are much more likely to stay together . If one or more partners can never say sorry , it ’ s a big predictor of relationship crash and burn . For example , one survey found that people who stay happily married are twice as likely to be able and willing to apologise to their partners as divorced or single people . 5
Couples who can say sorry sincerely are much more likely to stay together . One survey found that people who stay happily married are twice as likely to be able and willing to apologise to their partners as divorced or single people .
Important questions to ask your relationship troubled clients are :
• What do you and your partner argue about the most ? We need to know what is important to clients and their partners , whether it ’ s lost intimacy , money , feeling misunderstood or disrespected , or some affair from the past . What is the fuel that maintains this malcontent ?
• How , if at all , do you and your partner make up ? Through humour , conciliation , or simply calming down ?