unions light life up . We tend to be happier if we have someone who we love and who , in turn , we feel loves us deeply . 2 So when relationships go wrong , it can sometimes feel overwhelmingly threatening . As the song has it , “ Ain ’ t no sunshine when she ’ s gone .” Of course , we only get one side of a relationship when we listen to our clients ( unless we venture into couples therapy ). But we can still gather a great deal of useful information about what might not be working and why . These 12 questions can be particularly useful when trying to get a sense of what may be going wrong in your client ’ s primary relationship . I hasten to say that this list of questions doesn ’ t have to be used as part of some overwhelming interrogation . No therapist should sit down and read out these questions exactly as they ’ re written here ! This is meant simply as a guide to the kinds of issues you should be considering . And often we can “ read between the lines ” to get a sense of what might not be working , even if we don ’ t ask the following questions directly . So if your client reports currently having relationship difficulties in the current relationship or tends to have similar problems in concurrent ones , here is a guide as to the most important information to establish .
1 . Has your client ’ s emotional problem caused a relationship rift ?
If your client ’ s reason for coming to see you is depression , obsession , anxiety , or any number of other mental health issues , it ’ s important to bear in mind that these conditions can damage relationships in the short or long term .
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After all , if your client is chronically depressed , or anxious , or obsessively compulsive , they have less spare capacity to focus on the needs of their partner . And if your client is aware of this , it may cause them some guilt . Then again , it may be that your client ’ s partner ’ s issues are causing problems for them . As you ( hopefully !) help your client to a happier , healthier place , their relationships should improve as a byproduct . Trust , love , and intimacy – a feeling of deep merging with a person – are also integral .
2 . Does your client feel connected to their partner ?
If your client has come to you primarily because of their worries about their relationship , then of course we need to ascertain how close they feel to their partner . Do they and their partner love one another ? Specifically :
• Do they feel they can talk about most things without fear of causing offence or being dismissed ?
• Do they feel their partner is interested in them ?