Karen told Carmen that she should never say “ no ” to her ; pleasing her should be her Number One and only priority . Carmen tried hard to follow this rule , and grew ashamed when she had longings of her own .
People subjected to ‘ perspecticide ’ often blame themselves , as they feel despairing and disoriented . It can be hard for
them to figure out exactly what ’ s wrong . Controlling partners
them to figure out exactly what ’ s wrong . Controlling partners serve as a filter for the outside world , gradually forcing their victims to lose the support of family , friends , and coworkers . Isolated and controlled in this way , victims lose self-esteem and have trouble remembering what they once thought , felt , and believed .
** If you ' re not comfortable with the terms " victim " and " abuser ," feel free to substitute words that you prefer .
*** All names have been changed .
Lisa Aronson Fontes , Ph . D .,
is a senior lecturer at the University of Massachusetts , Amherst , and the author of Invisible Chains : Overcoming Coercive Control in Your Intimate Relationship .
Online : Lisa Aronson Fontes Ph . D . Professional website , Facebook , Twitter