We did eventually discuss steps he could actually take to further his aspirations , and acknowledged that once he had a blueprint for action ( rather than simply a fantasy of events happening beyond his control ), he would be in a better place to actually move forward in life .
Visualize the steps , not just the outcome
Interestingly , it has been found that just visualizing our goals , without thinking about the actual steps we can actively take to get there , has been found to make us less likely to achieve those goals - even when those goals are quite unambitious ![ 4 ]
There seems to be something demotivating about fantasizing about the end result of an ambition . Conversely , visualizing ourselves taking realistic steps towards a goal makes it more likely we will actually work towards and attain that goal . Seeing ourselves taking positive steps from a third-person position seems to increase motivation to act .[ 5 ]
Aspirations that are far removed from expectations are depressing because they take away our sense of personal control - and a sense of diminished control is inherently depressing .
When our aspirations match up with our expectations , on the other hand , they remain connected to a sense of personal autonomy , which is empowering and naturally antidepressant .
We , as a culture , I think need to be careful what messages we impart on our young .