At the beginning of this article I mentioned that there is a difference between reflecting on the past and living in the past . When we mistrust someone , we reflect on past experiences , memories , and advice that we ’ ve heard to stop us from making a poor decision . When we live in the past however , we find it impossible to move on with our current lives because we are absorbed in our old story-lines of betrayal , pain , and anger .
So how can you move from trust issues to simple and healthy mistrust ? Here is what I recommend :
1 . Re-examine your expectations , desires , and beliefs .
If someone keeps letting you down in life this is almost always a sign that you have unhealthy and unrealistic expectations , desires and beliefs for other people .
Consider what you expect and demand from your friends , family members or colleagues : are you asking too much of them ? They are imperfect human beings after all .
For example , are you expecting that they always return your phone calls and texts , without taking into account that they have very busy lives ? Are you desiring that your family members always treat you kindly , without taking into account that they might have their own silent struggles or stresses to deal with ?
When we re-examine our inner thoughts and feelings , we shift from a selfcentric ( https :// lonerwolf . com / self-centric /) view of the world to a more balanced perception of life .
2 . Ask , “ What is REALLY preventing me from trusting ?”
Yes , it is true that other people can be unpredictable , disloyal , and even cruel . It is also true that other people hurt us deeply and sometimes irreparably . But at the end of the day other people aren ’ t responsible for our trust issues , we are , because our trust issues arise from our own unhealthy tendency to cling to the past .