are let down by their arrogance , you feel upset and filled with anger .
Expectations stem from misguided certainty , and this is a symptom of security-seeking behaviour . You can also create expectations for yourself , for instance , you may unconsciously think “ I will blush and start to stutter ,” and immediately … you do !
Why it ’ s harmful : Expecting certain behaviours from others usually results in disappointment , confusion , frustration , and anger – and this causes strain on our relationships . Furthermore , setting high expectations for yourself also results in suffering as you are , after all , human and imperfect .
Expectations can also become self-fulfilling prophecies : they manipulate the outcome of a situation by predetermining whether it will be good or bad . For example , if you expect to be anxious , 99.9 % of the time you will be . This can have an immensely negative impact on your life when your mind is already biased against you .
6 . Lofty Ideals
An ideal is an imagined perfect outcome . One example of a common ideal is to find the “ perfect lover ” ( the “ One True Love ”) – which is unrealistic as everyone has flaws and a shadow-self . Other ideals we may possess might include wanting to find the perfect house , perfect job , or do everything right when it comes to our self-growth . Ideals are a symptom of perfectionism and they are usually set up as unrealistic goals that are almost always impossible to live up to .
Why it ’ s harmful : Because ideals are hard to achieve , we frequently feel like failures , like our lives aren ’ t good enough , and like nothing will ever go right for us . Additionally , ideals can cause you to live under immense pressure , creating a lot of chronic anxiety that looms in the background . When we frequently fail to match our inner ideal with the outer reality , we experience an inward collapse which can trigger depression and sometimes an existential crisis . Finally , as those who hold many ideals are often perfectionist their loved ones constantly feel like they ’ re “ not doing enough ” or not being enough . This can put tremendous strain on our relationships .
7 . Reactive Extremes