between you and others , for instance , “ He ’ s way smarter than me ” and “ My body is so fat in comparison to hers .”
Comparisons can also exist between ourselves and our ideas of what should happen , e . g ., “ I should be able to work harder ,” “ I should be better at socialising .” Dissatisfaction and low self-esteem are the two characteristics that drive comparison : we want to be better , more perfect , more ideal , and excel over others . Furthermore , comparison also drives competition : we use other people and our ideals as a yardstick of success .
Why it ’ s harmful : Comparison breed tremendous jealousy and envy resulting in anger , pain , and frustration . These angst-ridden emotions put a large strain on our relationships with others and frequently destroy friendships , family connections , and romantic partnerships .
4 . Obsessive Desires
To desire is to want something you don ’ t have . We do this because we ’ re discontent and feel as though , somewhere deep inside , we ’ re lacking . When we desire , we are plagued with the sensation that we don ’ t have enough . WE are not enough . Desires often sound like the following : “ I want to be like ____ but I can ’ t ,” “ I want to buy ____ because it will make my life better ,” “ I want to be funny just like him .” Desires are closely linked to comparisons . When we compare ourselves to others or a mental ideal , we often find ourselves falling short , and thus arises desire .
Why it ’ s harmful : The basic principle of Buddhist thought is that desire equals pain . Often , desire results in lust , and lust results in idolization and obsession . The result is often feelings of unhappiness , anger , and jealousy . When we think of all the crime committed in the world ( thefts , murders , rapes , etc .) they all result from an obsession which stems from desire . When we desire what we can ’ t have , the result is usually pain .
5 . Strict Expectations
To expect is to have the preconceived idea that something should happen or will happen . Expectations are usually created by the mind that likes to possess control – even over future outcomes . When an expectation is challenged or not met , the result is anxiety , inner turmoil , and anger / rage . For instance , if you unconsciously expect your boss to treat you nicely , and