3 The need for meaning , purpose and goals . 4 The need for a connection to something greater than ourselves 5 The need for creativity and stimulation 6 The need for intimacy and connection to others . 7 The need for a sense of control 8 The need for a sense of status and recognition from others . 9 The need for a sense of safety and security .
Of course , it is likely that at any one time , one or more of these may be slightly lacking in your life , without dire consequences . However , in the longterm , they must all be catered for one way or another . Something else the " low self esteemer " needs is the capacity to focus off their own emotionality and merge with experience so they gain more enjoyment from life .
8 ) Healthy pleasures are vital
When you have a healthy level of self esteem ( not self hating but not narcissistically self involved either ) then you find it easier to actually forget about yourself . You ' ll only think about your toe if it ' s in pain or if you are obsessively proud of it - otherwise it can take care of itself . It ' s the same with your sense of self . We all need to engage in activities which we enjoy and in which we can ' lose ourselves ' regularly . Someone ' s mental and even , to some extent , physical health can be directly related to how ' self-referential ' they are in their conversation - as people become healthier they use the ' I ' word less ( 7 ) , in the same way that when your knee stops hurting you don ' t need to rub it any more . People should be encouraged to focus their attention away from themselves and this becomes easier once they have met their own basic emotional needs in healthy ways . We all amplify some parts of our experience and minimize others . But if we habitually do this by expanding the bad stuff and linking that to self esteem whilst belittling the good stuff , distancing positives from self esteem , then it doesn ' t take a rocket scientist ( or even a psychologist ) to see that low self esteem will result .
9 ) Make the most of success
Low self esteem requires a particular attitude towards success . Whenever you succeed at something , you must ' write it off ' as good luck , chance , or someone else ' s responsibility .