In fact people with low self esteem can be upset by disconfirming feedback . Healthy self esteem needs to emerge subtly , not as a sudden result of hearing you are ' really special ' or ‘ fantastic '.
Paradoxically , being " too nice " to someone with very low self esteem can drive them away . People need to develop better self esteem gradually , through " proof " in the real world . Just being repeatedly told ( by someone who doesn ' t know you that well ) that " you ' re wonderful " has never been found to work in lifting low self esteem .
Whenever we ' re highly emotional our perception is distorted . When people calm down around the idea of themselves then a healthier self esteem can emerge like a green island coming into view when mist clears . What else do those with low self esteem need ?
6 ) A little more uncertainty can help
Contrary to popular opinion , people with low self esteem tend to be very sure of themselves . That ' s the problem . This manifests in their conviction that they are worthless or inadequate . As you will know if you have ever tried to argue with someone who puts themselves down continually , it is very hard to do ! When someone with low self esteem starts to become less sure of their own opinion of themselves and therefore begins to assess counter evidence regarding their worthlessness , their self image begins to become more healthy . At first the " ugly " duckling was certain it was a failed duck but that misdirected certainty had to loosen before its true life direction could become clear . Good self esteem is actually a by-product of living in a healthy way . So rather than trying to raise it directly it ' s easier to focus elsewhere ( such on what a person does ) and let self esteem rise as a happy side effect of a change in living . What do we all need in life that will help us incidentally feel better about ourselves ?
7 ) Build on solid foundations
For anyone to be psychologically and physically healthy then core needs have to be fulfilled . Being clear about what you need and making efforts to meet those needs constructively means you ' ll naturally have better self esteem as a by-product of living well . This is useful list of basic human needs : 1 The need to give and receive attention 2 The need to look after your body .