Healing and Hypnotherapy Volume - 4, issue 9 1 March 2020 | Page 17

others throw at me. Basically, I resort to playing small. Not asserting my
needs. Not daring to be disliked. Being a martyr/caretaker. 
Just like I’ve done above, reflect on your role-self and how you still enact it in
your life. The key to breaking this role is to slowly and gently introduce
opposite behaviours. For example, for me, it would be to not play small, not
hide my feelings, and not play a role others like.
4. Become observational and detached
In order to stop getting wound up in your emotionally immature parent’s
behaviour, become like a scientist or detached therapist. Watch their words,
how they think, and how they behave, treating it as an observational science
study. Doing so will help you get out of the wounded child role and into the
empowered adult role.
5. Relate to them instead of looking for a relationship
Relating instead of relationship – remember this.

Many children of parents who lack emotional maturity believe, on some level,
that there’s a genuine and fully-developed self hiding inside of their parents.
They believe that one day, they might be able to connect with this hidden self,
if only their parents would let them.

Here’s the thing … there is no strong self to build a relationship with.
Give up hope now.
I know it sounds harsh, but your parent is emotionally immature meaning that
they don’t have a fully developed self – there is no stable, solid, or consistent
self to relate to.

Instead of wishfully hoping for someone solid and real to build a relationship
with, try relating to them instead, as an adult. Express yourself clearly and
calmly as an adult would. Step out of the child role and into the adult role.
6. Creating boundaries means creating safety for yourself
Create strong boundaries with them. Emotional connection with your parents
is the basis for developing a sense of safety – but because you’ve lacked
that, you will always feel fundamentally unsafe around your parents.