Healing and Hypnotherapy Volume - 4, issue 9 1 March 2020 | Page 16

this feeling existential loneliness, but there’s nothing existential about it. If you
feel it, it came from your family.
Just because a wound isn’t external or physical, doesn’t mean it is any less
important or painful. 
In order to validate your emotional pain, to admit to yourself that it is real and
it hurts, try journaling about your pain. Let it all out! You have the right to face
and feel your grief. Your anger, disgust, sadness, and disappointment are all
valid and they all deserve to be acknowledged and felt. 
3. Discover what role-self you’ve had to adopt to be accepted
Children with parents who lack emotional maturity aren’t accepted for who
they authentically are. Authentic is too real, too raw, too emotional – and thus,
it is rejected. So instead, they must adopt a role-self in order to play a
valuable part in the family.
In her book (which I encourage you to read), Lindsay C. Gibson provides an
activity to help you identify your role-self. I’ll include it below.
On a blank page, complete the following sentences:
• I try hard to be …
• The main reason people like me is because I …
• Other people don’t appreciate how much I …
• I always have to be the one who …
• I’ve tried to be the kind of person who … 
Then, create a summary of how you answered each sentence.
Here’s how I finished each sentence (yours will be different):
•
•
•
•
•
I try hard to be likeable and acceptable to others.
The main reason people like me is because I am easy to get along with
and don’t create drama.
Other people don’t appreciate how much I am thoughtful, sensitive, and
caring.
I always have to be the one who is reasonable and deals with people’s
emotional crap.
I’ve tried to be the kind of person who gets along with everyone.
Summary: I have played the role of being an easy-going person who tries to
create harmony, tries to be likeable and acceptable and deals with what