4
Harmony in Marriage
referred to as ‘kalesh’. If couples get into an argument and as
a result, they avoid each other for a while, then this event is
called ‘kalesh’. There is no problem if they get together right
away after two to three hours of bickering, but if they argue and
stay apart, that is called ‘kalesh’. If they stay apart for twelve
hours, then the whole night is spent in ‘kalesh’.
Questioner : Is this tendency towards obstinacy in
discord (kankas) more prevalent in men or women?
Dadashri : Women have more of this tendency.
Questioner : What is the reason for that?
Dadashri : There are two types of clashes, minor and
major. Men tend to get into minor clashes, which do not last.
Men tend to forgive and forget easily. These are minor clashes.
Women on the other hand, tend to engage in major clashes.
They do not recover from clashes quite as easily. Instead, they
tend to remember it for a prolonged period of time. It is very
difficult for women to let go. Due to their nature, women at
times are guilty of turning minor issues into major issues. For
example, after a minor disagreement, the husband walks about
as if nothing has happened, while the wife walks around sulking.
Questioner : So what should we do to avoid major
clashes?
Dadashri : If you do not ignite a small fire she will not
kindle it. The fault is yours for igniting the fire in the first place.
For example, when you tell her that her food tastes awful and
you go around with a frown on your face, you ignite a fire. All
these trivial things give rise to minor disputes, which she then
coverts into major ones.
Questioner : The important thing is that there should be
peace at home.