“Do I want to be doing this?”
“Is this improving my life or exhausting me?”
“Has this started to become a co-dependent relationship with me as the ‘mother/
caretaker’ and them as my ‘child/responsibility’?”
By being aware of how I feel (i.e. drained, frustrated, even resentful), I’ve learned how
to catch myself from stepping into chaos, drama and dysfunction much sooner than I
used to.
As a coach (and this goes for most
therapists, healers, nurses, counselors,
etc.), we have a natural tendency to want
to “fix things,” but without learning
healthy boundary setting, we can too
easily take on the weight of the world
and inevitably, hurt the very person we
wanted to help because we are giving
more than we can afford to lose and
eventually, we burnout, become angry or
breakdown. We’re no good to anyone.
Not to mention, I can almost see my
weight rising when I’m forgetting to set a
boundary. Doesn’t matter how many jogs
I take, broccoli I eat or protein shakes I
drink, the weight predictably comes on. I
literally carry the weight of my unhealthy
boundaries on my body.
Many of us didn’t witness healthy
boundaries growing up, whether it was
our mother who allowed others to
disrespect, use or abuse her, including us
- her child (this is called “porous
boundaries”) Our father who was so
strict he was like a brick wall (“rigid
boundaries”). Either way, we didn’t learn
what “healthy” looks like.
On the other hand, we could have had
wonderful parents and yet someone else
in our life - a teacher, grandparent, uncle,
family friend,