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Ever heard the term 'high maintenance?'' This is why it matters to guys. A high maintenance woman can threaten the
man's freedom if she requires excessive time, money, or power over her man's life.
One of my clients recently e-mailed me, asking for my advice in a relationship that was going bad with the boyfriend she
had been fairly serious with for quite some time. She relayed how he told her he needed some space because he
wasn't sure he could manage the stress of the relationship. As I interviewed her about any reason why he might feel
stressed by the relationship, she relayed an unfortunate sequence of events involving her own poor health and some
relationship strain with family members that caused her to lean on him more than she had ever intended to for several
months. He did basic things like drive her to surgery and help her through her recovery.
As we discussed the road to healing the relationship, I advised her to write him a letter that contained the story of their
relationship. She was actually a very strong, independent woman with many resources, talents and skills, and she was
in no way a dependent personality type. Yet he had experienced the relationship as a burden that diminished his
freedom rather than enhancing it. We worked on refining her letter until it painted a beautiful picture of the relationship
and its potential. The story included the period of time where he became burdened and the story went on to describe
the way this series of events created a misperception that she would hamper his freedom.
The last part of her story painted a picture of the potential future if the relationship was to heal and continue. She
described the way she would enhance some of the basic dreams he had. For example, she described how she would
keep up the home he had dreamed of owning deep in the woods, caring for the sheltered dogs he wanted to take in but
couldn't care for consistently due to his job as a pilot. It was a beautiful story that literally brought tears to my eyes
because of the genuine, pure desire of this woman to enhance the freedom of a man she truly loved. How could he say
no to that? When a man evaluates a woman, he evaluates the effect his relationship with her will have on his freedom.
Success and Respect
The second powerful question driving a man's evaluation of a woman's personality relates to his desire for success.
For women, the ultimate success in life is often defined in terms of meaningful relationships and love. It's no different for
men, but the conditions in which they feel loved are very different. Men feel successful when they are powerful, effective,
and loved by people they have a deep, meaningful relationship with. But for men, feeling loved requires that they feel
respected.
For a man, success is meaningless if others demonstrate subtle indications of disrespect despite their
accomplishments. Even having an extremely attractive wife could be a measure of 'success' in the minds of some men,
but the relationship will not last if the woman is in any way condescending toward him. Men simply cannot thrive when
their ego is being trotted upon.
The problem is, the way a man feels disrespected is often a mystery to women. Women who claim to have a great deal
of respect for a man often push him away without realizing the ways their words and actions were interpreted as
disrespect.
When a man evaluates a woman, he automatically and unconsciously makes a mental judgment about the extent to
which she will contribute or detract from his sense of 'success' as a man. The primary determinant in the way he defines
that success will be the degree to which he feels his partner builds him up in the ways that make him feel manly and
respected. This relationship factor is so powerful and so deeply misunderstood by so many women, we have developed
instruction materials focused on bridging the gap between women's desire to build a loving committed relationship with a
man and her understanding of the respect principle the way man experience it. To watch a free presentation about the
respect principle, click this link for an online video you can watch right now.
Visit our Free Presentation on What Men Secretly Want