magically survived being cut in half, dropped down hundreds of stories, landing in a trash compactor, and having the wherewithal to create a mechanical spider body from old junk and garbage… FUCKING GARBAGE! That’s about as believable as if the leftover Spam in my fridge created an exoskeleton out of all the leftovers, called himself Optimus Prime Rib, and buddied up with my one missing sock I haven’t seen in five years. Oh, the sock this I just mentioned… yeah, after he fixed himself up he was supposed to have a buddy cop relationship with a random Twi’lek that Lucas liked from a random comic he once saw because he liked the show Burn Notice.
So what now? Conquering film has left him feeling great, owning the retail toy market for years has made him feel unstoppable, and having his company at the top of the new video games industry has caused his head to balloon to Death Star proportions. We all know what came next, the first public misstep that even all the Lucas yes men couldn’t shield him from; the Star Wars Special Editions. Lucas claimed that he wanted to go back to his original trilogy and “fix” what he couldn’t get to when filming. What this meant was adding scenes that did nothing to move the story along, add special effects that were unnecessary and distracting from the trilogies original tone, and change key scenes that alter the entire persona that a character has had for generation of fans.
Yes, Star Wars belongs to Lucas (at the time) and he created the world and should have the right to go back and do whatever he wants, right? RIGHT?!?! Well, no he doesn’t. You see, the work that Lucas had created way back when had now grown into a life all of its own. Fans were gobbling up extended universe anything and buying Star Wars everything, and had been doing so for years. What tied everything together was that the Trilogy was cannon; It was the be all end all, the bible if you will, for the Star Wars Universe. And by having this mass following and world built up, Star Wars had since become the people’s and no longer Lucas’. You see, I don’t think Lucas ever really truly understood the scope and reach of what he created, I maintain that he has always seen Star Wars as his baby, his pet project, and because of this figured long ago with the continued success of the brand that he was the star and could do no wrong with anything, including changing that original vision.
Well, needless to say people were pissed, as evidenced today with people talking about pre and post special editions versions. I have both the original VHS box-set on the shelf right next to the first Special Edition box-set and when people come over they could care less about the shiny gold box and care where I bought my original series from. Despite all this, Star Wars was still hot and George Lucas in his wisdom decided to do something that would shake the world to its very core and hopefully bring all his fans back into the fold by giving them what they wanted; a new Star Wars Trilogy.
What follows is a descent into madness…
If you were a Star Wars fan prior to the release of Phantom Menace you know the immense excitement the film garnered. It was a time of great joy in the universe; Star Wars was coming back in a new trilogy and was major news around the world. It was like taking part in what our parents took part in when A New Hope opened, only this time our parents understood our love and were there to share it with us. I can still remember opening weekend, going to a brand new theater in town built to coincide with the release and seeing fans of all ages ready to be blown away. But let me travel back a little bit to before the film opened and shocked the world.
"I don't think Lucas ever really ever really truly understood the scope and reach of what he created"
The internet was still a relatively new thing for most people, I can remember still having to call in via landline to AOL and access the web through a portal which was a marked improvement from our early CompuServe days. Because of this information wasn’t as readily available we had only bits and pieces to go on.
We knew George Lucas was directing and had penned the script, but what we didn’t know was just how insane the man had become under and his yes men. I have the strong suspicion that during writing, casting, and his directing duties he never heard the word no uttered the entire production. But hey, look who we get staring in the film! Liam Neeson, Ewan McGregor and Natlaie Portman, all huge stars in their own right who have gone on to star in major Hollywood blockbusters and be nominated for big time awards. So to say that the casting was weak is ludicrous, but why then did the movie seem to implode on itself? Because, you know, George Lucas.
Phantom Menace became not a natural progression to the already rich Star Wars world, but it became Lucas’ way of explaining and removing everything that gave Star Wars its personality. Gone is the force as this mystical bond or energy that very special people (both good and evil) could tap into with training and dedication, instead it’s just some shit in your blood, you know, science stuff.
It’s as if Lucas didn’t understand (or care) that he created this fantasy epic in the vain of the old Greek tales, but instead wanted it now to be some science fiction hybrid with needless facts expelling away major core principles of the universe. We already have a hugely successful science fiction series and string of movies for that, nobody wanted Star Wars to be more like Star Trek with inane technobabble. Not only that, but there were major issues with the movie that even as an awkward middle schooler about to enter high school stuck out to me. Here is a short list of stupid things that bugged me as a kid: