form of Empire Strikes Back, the almost unanimously agreed upon best Star Wars film ever, a few years later. It’s important to note that the greatest of the Star Wars films was directed by someone other than George Lucas himself. This time around we really start to the marketing push with regards to children. We get lots of clothing, toys, games and on and on. Essentially, anything Lucas could throw a Star Wars sticker on he would sell. After another hit with Empire, we would get the conclusion to the original trilogy with Return of the Jedi, which incidentally was titled Revenge of the Jedi until just prior to coming out (there are lots of posters still floating around with that title) giving us the first indication that maybe, just maybe, George didn’t even really know how his own universe really worked. Thankfully as with Empire, Return of the Jedi also featured a director other than Lucas saving us for what could have been more Ewok… well, anything.
"Look, I know you all love your Boba Fett, but let's face it, the guy was an idiot."
We now get to a point where the Star Wars universe faces a great awakening of sorts. A great explosion of content is demanded by the masses, but poor old George Lucas is plumb out of ideas being nearly tapped out after A New Hope that he just begins approving anything that comes across his desk. But with this growth isn’t without its cost as there is another, a more powerful collection of people pulling the strings of a simple and naïve Lucas, The Sit… er, I mean his yes men. Yes men are a cowardly lot who will always agree with you no matter how stupid, silly, or asinine your idea might be simply to stroke your ego so that they can continue to breastfeed of the tit that is (in this case) Lucas. The first such “Yes” endeavors was the creation of the Star Wars expanded universe.
Now don’t get me wrong, there are lots of really cool and interesting things to come of the extended universe, but it’s safe to say that a majority of it is only there to cash in on the name or is full of contradictions that it would make your head explode from trying to comprehend it all. Look, I know you all love your Boba Fett, but let's face it, the guy was an idiot and a terrible bounty hunter. And Darth Maul is deader than dead, you can take your spider body having Wild Wild West inspired Maul and shove it. But all thats not the biggest problem with it; the biggest problem lies with the fact that Lucas himself didn’t give two shits about that universe and had very little direction in the paths it took. If you ever want to piss Lucas off and drive him up the walls, just bring up StarKiller from Force Unleashed otherwise know as “That other guy” at the LucasArts offices.
With Star Wars fever still high and George Lucas now more interested in approving wilder, stupider names for Jedi (Master Bates is a classic), Lucas had amassed a fortune that would see his empire expand into video games. You see, when the people working with Lucas have a good idea they would sit around a table and have a conversation that probably went something like this:
“Hey, so I have this new idea for a video game department where we can make these incredible games that will help define a generation”
“Wow, that sounds great Bill! So how many Star Wars games can we churn out?”
“Well… you see, I was thinking we could do all original stuff and bring in really great writers and animators to create new IPs”
“Damn… That will never fly with the boss man.”
“Wait! What if we told him we were doing a bunch of Star Wars stuff and release a few really shitty NES games to appease our Hutt Lord while we make the really good stuff for the PC?”
“Brilliant!
Now if you look at the long history of LucasArts, you will find a plethora of historically significant games in their catalog from over the years. What you won’t find is the Star Wars title stapled onto very many of said games. Why is this you ask? Well, if something had the Star Wars name attached then Lucas wanted final say in the matter. That’s not to say he was involved in the design, production, writing or creation of said game, just that he would inject his insane delusional fantasy on everybody.
I don’t know how many of you know this, but Darth Maul was to have his own game post Phantom Menace (Read the amazing article in the Game Informer June issue). Supposedly, he magically survived being cut in half, dropped down hundreds of stories, landing in a trash compactor, and having the wherewithal to create a mechanical spider body from old junk and garbage… FUCKING GARBAGE! That’s about as believable as if the leftover Spam in my fridge created an exoskeleton out of all the leftovers, called himself Optimus Prime Rib, and buddied up with my one missing sock I haven’t seen in five years. Oh, the sock this I just mentioned… yeah, after he fixed himself up he was supposed to have a buddy cop relationship with a random Twi’lek that Lucas liked from a random comic he once saw because he liked the show Burn Notice.