6.
I used to have to make appointments with my mom when she was in school—which was most of my life after 10 years old. She was busy writing papers and being the straight-A student she was.
This used to hurt me. Now, I get it. She had 7 kids. I have 5.
Sometimes when you are a kid you think you are the only one. I take this approach as a mom: who needs me the most at this moment? Who is struggling and needs to talk something out? Who has a big decision or life event?
I try to be in the moment and present. Take it all in. I also cherish the family time we all hold sacred around vacations together twice a year. Just to be…a witness of this tribe I so thoroughly enjoy. To watch them unite and love each other brings tears to my eyes.
7.
This is a hard one. Before dementia, my mom would hammer in my head “we are not going there.” If my life was too crazy and we couldn’t find time together, the phone would do. As she was getting older and couldn’t make the journey of an hour and half to my house, I repeated to her “We are not going there. No guilt.”
Now she is housebound and can’t use the phone. I struggle with finding the time to get to her as often as I would like. In the quiet moments I hear her. “We are not going there.”
I try and connect with her on another plane. Hold her in my heart and my mind and pray to her. She is still on this plane, but I firmly believe she is in both worlds and can hear me. I sincerely hope that is true.