kill myself.” As soon as
those words reached
my ears, my heart fell
deep into my stomach.
Being so young and
naïve, I thought that if
he did kill himself that
it would be my fault.
Tyler had manipulated
me to stay with him
and I was trapped in
a toxic relationship.
After the events of that
night, Tyler was on
his best behavior, but
it wasn’t long before
he was more irratio-
nal and unpredictable
than ever before. He
would yell at me if
he found strands
of my hair in the
bathroom sink,
and would even
get angry with
me if I looked at
a male in public
who passed by us.
me to perform oral
sex on him, before he
pulled off my under-
wear. He then forced
my legs open, despite
me saying “no” and to
“stop” before perform-
ing oral sex on me –
which I now realise, is
oral rape. That night
was one of the darkest
of my life where I was
violated and my dig-
nity was stripped from
me com-
plete-
ly.
came anxious around
strangers or even
people I knew, because
I thought everyone
was looking at me and
judging me like Tyler
did. As the abuse con-
tinued, I lost every one
of my friendships and
he even began stop-
ping me from visiting
my family. I would
also find myself walk-
ing on eggshells in the
relationship –
watching
what
I
L
ate one night in
summer, on the
floor of his bedroom,
Tyler sexually assault-
ed me. I remember
clearly in my mind
every detail from
that night. The room
was dark, with small
strips of light falling
from the streetlights
through the gaps in
the blinds. The carpet
was rough on my skin.
The silver lock on the
door latched – trap-
ping in an eerie silence
that fell upon the
room. Tyler pressured
page 26
A
noth-
er way that Tyler
would control me was
through weakening
my self-esteem. He
would comment on
what I ate, what I was
wearing and how I
looked and this led
to me feeling very
self-conscious. Over
time I became de-
pressed and developed
social anxiety. I be-
said to
prevent a
possible irrational
outburst from Tyler.
My life failed to exist
outside of the relation-
ship.
W
hen Tyler and
I began living
together, the physical
abuse became more
severe. He would
punch walls - leaving
cracks in them, he
would throw things
and one day he held
his fist up and yelled
at me, “don’t make
me hit you.” The only
way I knew to protect
myself from Tyler was
to hide from him or
try to calm him down
and de-escalate the
situation. I was then
working full time as a
Nurse and with a mix-
ture of work, moving
in and the nature of
our relationship I was
often sick. I had spo-
ken to Tyler about my
desire to reduce hours
at work due to my
sickness and feeling
overwhelmed. Yet, he
told me that this was
not an option and
made me feel pathet-
ic and like a failure
for even entertaining
the idea. As our rela-
tionship continued, I
could see and feel my
happiness and joy for
life depleting rapidly.
I
n late 2015, when
I was using Tyler’s
laptop to print off
some work docu-
ments, I found opened
Internet windows that
showed me he was be-
ing unfaithful. I felt an
unnatural anger inside
of me when I saw this.
I couldn’t believe that
Tyler would do some-
thing like that in our
new home; especially
after everything he
had put me through