NURTURE
Raising Generation
“ ” for Entitled
E
By Maureen Schuster
It is fast becoming an
out-of-control epidemic
that might result in a
generation that is unable
to fend for themselves.
What are we talking
about? Self-entitled
children, of course. We
delve into the issue and
discover ways to help you
raise caring and thoughtful
children instead.
“This is for your own good.” When we
were children, we never liked hearing
those words. Undoubtedly, they meant
that we were about to be told to do
something that we did not want to do,
most likely eating our broccoli.
Unfortunately, today’s modern
parents seldom utter those ominous
words. Nowadays, children are rarely
expected to make their bed, help
set the table for dinner or achieve
academic excellence based solely on a
desire to learn.
The aspirations of most children now
revolve around owning the newest
technical gadget, and academic
success hinges on the promise of
financial and material rewards. These
children are known as self-entitled
children. They are defined by an innate
belief that they deserve whatever
it is they want immediately without
earning it, and that their bad behavior
is without consequence.
Often enough, parents only have the
best intentions for their children,
which is that they just want more for
their child than they had and they do
not want them to struggle. How ever,
being overprotective has been proven
to have a negative impact on their
development, not to mention breeding
a sense of entitlement. Fiona Walker,
Principal of Schools and CEO of Julia
Gabriel Education in Singapore says:
“I remember a number of children
who had really low muscle tone
and had poor coordination
and self-help skills, as they
had not had to feed or dress
themselves. They were fearful
of taking risks.”
These problems are
compounded even more
when the children grow
up. Extensive research
has demonstrated that
there is a connection
between overprotective
parents and a
difficulty in getting
a job after college
or university.
These children
20
Family & Life • Mar 2014
have an overblown expectation
of success and status, and are
uncomfortable with uncertainty.
Ultimately, parents have forgotten
that a little struggle helps to create
resilient children who in turn, become
competent adults.
In Singapore, it is not uncommon
for families to employ full-time
household help. Consequently, the
children in these families are usually
not responsible for household chores
and have everything done for them.
Walker explains: “Children have
a growing sense of not wanting to
reduce themselves by doing what
they consider menial tasks. Cleaning,
mopping, tidying and preparing food
are considered menial tasks because
they only see the domestic helper
doing such tasks.”
The process of entitlement can
start out small. One mother, while
eating lunch with a few of her mom
friends, admits that her four-yearold daughter only eats meals in
front of the television and refuses to
eat anything except chicken fingers
and yogurt. The mom shrugs and
explains: “After work I am so tired. It
is just easier to give in than to fight
with her.” Sound familiar? This loss
of parental power sets the tone for
the child being the decision maker
in the family despite being at such a
tender age.
Parents who consistently give in to
children’s demands, use material
items to appease, bail them out of
trouble and require nothing in return
are not doing their children any
favors. Walker details the long term
negative effects. “Children who grow
up with a sense of self-entitlement
are very likely to be disappointed
because the world does not actually
owe them anything, and when starting
out in a new career or life away from
home they may very well have to start
at the bottom and have to take care of
themselves, washing and or preparing
their own meals. To think that one is
above doing that is going to be a huge
problem. The irony is that parents
who feel that they are
giving their child
everything are
actually robbing
them of what they
really need.”
STRATEGIES TO AVOID RAISING A
SELF-ENTITLED CHILD
As the parent, you are in
control. Provide consistent
expectations of behavior and
appropriate consequences if
not followed. Parenting is not
a popularity contest and it is
actually okay if your children do
not always like you.
Cultivate an attitude of gratitude.
Gratitude begins with a simple
thank you when being served, and
sending handwritten thank you
notes. Learning to appreciate the
small things is an important part
of thankfulness. Fiona suggests
daily discussions detailing what
went well during the day and what
could have gone a bit differently.
Maintaining daily gratitude
ensures your children will have a
thankful heart.
Spend time, not money.
Happiness cannot be bought; take
materialism out of your lives when
possible. Instead, spend time
with children building memories.
Kids might not always remember
fancy trips but will always cherish
those afternoons spent with mom
crafting bracelets.
Do for others. Put others before
self. Use your talents and hard
work to make the world a better
place by helping those in need.
Focusing on others decreases
self-centered thinking.
Chores. Give each child ageappropriate chores to complete;
folding laundry or caring for a
younger sibling are good starting
points. This builds responsibility and
with everyone pitching in, housework
feels more like a team effort.
Money management. Don’t
become a human ATM. Handing
out cash does not teach
responsibility. Instead, provide
a modest allowance to educate
them about money management.
A portion of each allowance should
be designated for saving, donating
and spending which can be used
for those occasional wants.
Let them fail! Allow your children
to fail when the consequences
are minimal. When your child
fails a test, resist the urge to
contact the teacher and request
a makeup exam. Instead, explain
the consequences of not preparing
adequately and the benefits of
time management. Allowing
children to experience failure
teaches lessons and provides
life-affirming opportunities for
success in the future.