Do you think there is a stereo type on rape and
men? That it only happens to women?
Male child sexual abuse has a long documented
history dating back at least to ancient Greece.
Pederasty was considered a part of a boy’s mentoring to manhood. Plato criticized the sexual
abuse of boys. Nevertheless, the Romans continued the practice, though they only allowed the
victims to be slave-born boys. Male rape was a
regular practice by conquering armies among all
civilizations in the ancient world to humiliate and
subjugate the conquered males.
Given its history, there are dual stigmas associated with male rape. On the one hand, the young
male victim must contend with questions of homosexual association. On the other is the loss of identity and personal empowerment emanating from
the humiliation as a sexual object being used for
the gratification of the perpetrator, be they male or
female. The emergence of the LGBTQ movement
as a social force in culture exacerbates the confusion and isolation of male sexual abuse victims
and survivors.
Yes, there is a stereotype on rape and men. As a
culture we are only just beginning to come to grips
with the reality and pervasiveness of rape and
women. From a social justice standpoint and our
tendency to deny that which seems incomprehensible, the voices of little boys are simply drowned
out by louder and more organized groups. And
this leads to further marginalization and greater
victimization since perpetrators may go undetected for many years.
You talk about going beyond a “12 step program” can you tell us a bit more?
We tend to view 12-step programs with a view to
closure and restoration. The reference does not
map well to recovery from child sexual abuse.
12-step programs seek to help the client take
responsibility for his choices, recognize her weaknesses and failures, reconcile with those whom
they have harmed, and build an accountability
support network to bring addictive urges under
control. The idea is to complete a program of
behavior modification so the client can re-enter
society in a productive manner.
Recovering from child sexual abuse is always on-
going. The goal of our book is to help the man
acknowledge the abuse that happened to him as
a child, come to grips with and learn how to tell his
story, reconcile that he was the victim – what happened was not his fault, reflect on how his abuse
story has impacted the areas and relationships in
his life, and eventually shed the mantle of victim
for the mantle of survivor. Care must be taken by
churches and supporters to be patient and willing
to quietly listen and always avoid victory vernacular. Just as the risen Christ still bears the holes
of the nails and spear, the male sexual abuse
survivor will always bear the scars of his abuser.
Recovery is a life-long process, never ending.
Do men and women differ on reporting and
dealing with sexual abuse?.
In many ways, yes. Boys are far less likely to
report abuse and, when they do, are far less likely
to be believed. The reason is important. The overwhelming majority of male victims are abused by a
person entrusted by the parents. The abuser may
even be one of the parents. This places an enormous burden on the boy to recognize the abuse
for what it is and then to risk the embarrassment
and humiliation of identifying Papa, Aunt Ethel,
the beloved teacher, or Father Larry. That is, if
he’ll be believed in the first place.
There is also a cultural power dynamic. There are
sayings among boys that reinforce the suppression of abuse: big boys don’t cry, suck it up and
go, real men don’t ask for help, don’t be a sissy,
etc. Little boys want to be big boys and big boys
want to be big men. Victimhood and manhood
don’t mix so one has to go – and so the boy will
deny abuse.
You talk about the four stages, what are they?
We present the book, Naming Our Abuse, in four
stages. This is really a starting point in recovery.
To assist the reader and his support network in
coming to grips with his abuse we chose to use
the metaphor of a car accident.
Part 1 is The Wreck. It’s about beginning to come
to terms with the painful reality of the reader’s
child sexual abuse story. In it we share some of
the backstory to our abuse, various events that
fostered and made possible the access of the
perpetrator to the child victim. While it may pro-