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Step 3: List Who, Or What, Can Meet Each Need
Once you have a list of needs, you can brainstorm who or what can meet each. Consider options like:
+ Family members, friends, neighbors, other care partners, religious or spiritual communities or support group members.
+ Paid or professional caregivers.
+ Your loved one’ s health care team or providers you can add to the team, like social workers or palliative care clinicians.
Be prepared to respond with a task from your list:“ Could you drive John to his physical therapy session on Thursday?” or“ Can you sit with Jane on Monday afternoon so I can go grocery shopping?”
If you’ re worried about burdening friends and family, ask for something time-limited with a clear ending(“ Can you pick the kids up from school Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday of next week?”). By making these types of requests, you won’ t feel like you’ re asking too much, too often. And remember, not everyone will be able to say yes. They may not be able to help right now, with a specific task or at all. Be prepared for no’ s and don’ t take them personally.
+ Community services, like adult day programs, meal delivery services, transportation to medical appointments, assistance with health insurance questions, volunteers who visit or call to reduce isolation and loneliness and much more. Your local department on aging is a hub for many of these services.
+ Employee assistance programs; faith-based organizations; or federal, state and local government initiatives. Your doctor or social worker can help you find these programs.
Keep in mind that not everyone is suited for every task. Consider the skills and interests of your friends and loved ones: Asking a friend who doesn’ t drive to pick up groceries probably won’ t work. But asking a fellow parent to pick up your kids at the same time and place they pick up theirs might be an easy yes.
If you want to help someone with Parkinson’ s, you need to be specific. Ask something like,“ Can I take your daughter to school?” In general, people are more likely to help if you’ re direct.
Julie Porter
Step 4: Be Clear, Direct and Specific
Now comes the main event: asking for what you need, even when you aren’ t sure what to ask for. It can be as simple as saying,“ I need help caring for my dad.” When needed and where possible, it can be more direct:“ I need help getting my husband dressed in the morning.”
Friends and family members often say,“ Let me know if I can help.”( If that’ s you, be more specific: Try asking,“ Would it be helpful if I pick up prescriptions, do laundry or bring over dinner?”)
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