positive education for the future
this aspect of humanity, as it is a powerful
resource for choice and change.
I invite you to reflect on the PAC model,
originating from the theory of Transactional
Analysis (TA), and notice what happens in
conversations. The theory explains how
easy it is to stimulate responses from each
of the ego states, as I showed in my earlier
example with the receptionist. Here my
Child state responded to her Parent, and it
all happened in a moment. Whereas when
I had been talking to the children at Long
Crendon primary school, I was in my Adult
and they too were responding from their
Adult. Ideally keeping your Adult in charge
of communication is hugely beneficial, and
knowing the content of your Parent and
Child states is useful, as you can watch out
for the unhelpful content in each of them.
Through VbE, both children and adults are
continually strengthening their Adult ego
state, as they embrace the language, thinking
and behaviours associated with each value to
which they are introduced.
In my early twenties I worked as a trainer
for a small rural Youth Opportunities
Programme (YOP). I was shocked at the lack
of self-esteem and sense of failure the young
sixteen year olds joining our programme had.
They carried beliefs of worthlessness and saw
the world through the eyes of, “I’m no good
and other people are better than me” Or
.
sometimes they perceived themselves from
the position of, “I’m no good and neither are
other people” living life from a depressed and
,
hopeless position. Or less frequently, I saw
young people who thought they were better
than others and thus approached life from
a place of, “Well I’m ok but you’re not and
consequently I can treat you any way I want
to” There was nothing wrong with any of
.
these young adults, but their perceptions of
themselves were that they were failures. They
weren’t failures: I realised that the system had
failed them.
There is a healthy optimistic view of life
20
where each of us recognises are own okayness and the okay-ness of others. This doesn’t
mean that all our behaviours are ok, but the
true essence of each of us is ok. If we strive
to live and respond to the world from this
simple yet profoundly challenging concept
then we will get on with others and take
responsibility for our lives from a healthy
stance.
Reflecting on children you know and
challenges you face can you begin to see
how easy it is to slip from I’m ok and you’re
ok to any of the other three positions?
The child who adopts the bully role often
operating from the place of, “Well I’m ok but
you’re not so I can treat you any way I want
to” Another example is the shy child who
.
avoids relationships and who doesn’t feel as
good as the other children. Also, the isolated
child who really can’t see any joy in life, and
who is frightened to trust anyone. Hopefully
you also see many children who are feeling
secure in themselves and value other people
equally. It is quite normal for each of us at
times to see life through any of the positions,
but we will all have a dominate one from
which we view life. Once again, being aware
of how you are responding to situations
starts to open up options and choices to
respond differently.
Through VbE, children and adults are
thinking about the meaning of the words
such as: respect, caring, cooperation, team
work and really experiencing how this
influences their thinking and behaviours,
which continuously reinforces healthy
relationships.
A few years ago I made a commitment to
myself that I would start each day with
half an hour of quietness, focussing on my
breathing and not my thoughts. I’m not sure
that I’ve ever managed to concentrate totally
on my breathing without being distracted
my thinking. Yet I’ve now learned that this is
normal (phew!), and that each time I become
aware that I’ve lost my focus on breathing