Dress it loud December 2014 | Page 13

Abusive relationships

Thibaut and Kelley (1959) who identified 2 components which enable us to evaluate the benefits of our relationship. These are comparison level, which involves comparing a current relationship with a general expectation of how rewarding a relationship should be based on previous experience and a comparison level for alternatives – comparing current relationship offers. If there are no alternatives you’re likely to be satisfied.

It's important to note that the majority of the these theories were conducted in the 60s/70s however they still seem valid in explaining relationships today. Whether you agree with the matching hypothesis or the idea of rewards, needs and costs, it's important to evaluate your own current relationship to see if you can relate to the psychological theories and see if there's anything you can do to improve your relationship now, or relationships in the future.

It's pretty common sense to understand why those who put a lot into the relationship and get little out are likely to look for an alternative partner, because at the end of the day, we all want a fair, loving relationships.

Abusive realtionships affect 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men in their lifetime which, on average, leads to two women being murdered each week and 30 men per year.

With these shocking staistics it's easy to believe that if you were in a situation whereby you were stuck in an abusive relationship, you would do everything in your power to leave it as soon as possible. So why do so many people (generally women) stick by their partner in these circumstances?

Psychologists argue that it all comes down to the level of investment the victim has put in to the realtionship. In most cases, the abusive partner does not show such signs in the beginning of the relationship. By the time the relationship becomes threatening and harmful, the victim has already devoted a bulk of their time, money and emotion into the relationship. For this reason, the victim is likely to be in denial and for the sake of their investment, are likely to give their partner the benefit of the doubt. This is particularly true for long-term relaionships or where the victim is married to their violent partner. ▪