social isolation and uncertainty about how long this strange new routine will last. As one word nerd put it, you can’t spell divorce without c-o-v-i-d.
Even couples who were perfectly fine before the coronavirus and might be perfectly fine after it could probably use some help over the next few months. How do you survive these unprecedented circumstances? TIME talked with three pairs of marriage therapists who are also married to each other and thus work and live side by side about staying together when you’re never apart.
Here are 10 top tips from the experts:
Cool it with the criticism. Now is not the time to be pointing out mistakes. The time to be pointing out mistakes is almost never, but mid-crisis is egregious. Especially when it comes to money, says Ashley Willis, a marriage and family coach who hosts the “Naked Marriage” podcast with her husband Dave. “It’s so easy to
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point fingers and say, ‘I told you you shouldn’t have taken that job.’” Instead, now is the time for appreciation. “It’s really important for people to look for what partners are doing right and to express appreciation for it,” says Julie Gottman, adding that some of it can be subtle. “Thank them for making coffee, even if it’s for the 500th time.” Helen LaKelly Hunt, who with her husband Harville Hendrix created the Imago method of marriage therapy and wrote Getting the Love You Want recommends telling your spouse three things you appreciated about them that day before you go to sleep at night. Even if you can’t manage that, listing their failings is just poor boudoir strategy. “If you want to be close, you can’t be critical,” says Harville.
Be more curious than furious. With all the new responsibilities brought on by the coronavirus, it may feel like your spouse is not doing enough or has committed an act of personal treason, but it’s more