Experiencing Failure
Many years ago a wise bus driver told me that “love is going to kill
our country.” By that remark he meant that we love our children so
much that we are willing to do anything to ensure that our children
have it better than we did when we were kids. As parents and
educators, we all take great pride in seeing our children succeed
whether it be in the classroom or on the athletic field. Conversely,
for most of us, it breaks our hearts to see the look of discouragement on our children’s faces when they fail at something. As an
educator and a parent, I know the feeling of pride in success and
the feeling of discouragement in failure. Oftentimes as parents
we are so concerned about our children, that we will intervene to
attempt to rescue them from adversity and failure. Too often, we
blame the teacher, coach or another student when our children
come up short of the bar. As parents we may try to protect our
children by doing things such as attempt to negotiate extra time for
an assignment, argue over a grade received, or do most of the work
for our children on a graded project.
Failure is part of life. We are not going to “win” at everything that
we do. In 1st Corinthians 9:24, Paul states “We all know that when
there’s a race, all the runners bolt for the finish line, but only one
will take the prize. When you run, run for the prize!” (Voice) We
should encourage our students and children to do their best, to
run for the prize, even though they will most certainly meet with
failure along the way. Too often we hover over our children and
do not allow them to experience adversity or failure as a way of
growth. In a study led by Mark Seery at the University of Buffalo,
researchers found that adults who experienced little or no adversity
growing up were actually less happy and confident than those who
had experienced a few significant setbacks in childhood.
It is during adversity and failure that our children need support.
Proverbs 24:16 tells us that “a good man may fall seven times and
get back up again, but the wicked will stumble around and fall into
misfortune (Voice). Our job as educators and parents is to work
with our children to have a positive attitude in the face of failure
so that even though they fall seven times, they will always get back
up. The fine line we have to walk is to have the ability to give our
children the resources they need for success without taking away
the risk of failure. Over my years as a school principal, I learned
that students see right through “artificial success.” Students know
when they are given something rather than having to work for it.
Students treat that “gift” as experiencing failure. Students see that
in being given something in this manner, the adults around them
do not think they are capable of successfully accomplishing whatever the task may be. This type of behavior by adults can actually
cause the child to have less self-confidence.