How to be
Dawn speaks to 'sexpert' Sallie Foley and three women who dish the dirty
details on their sex lives to help you put yourself first in the bedroom...
words by: Nohely Ortiz Gedeon
“He’s clueless”
“He is too into himself," says 38-year-old
Sandra* from Hertfordshire. “I tend to
focus on his pleasure more than mine,
because I like feeling in control. But he
needs to understand what to do and when
to do it. He thinks I am enjoying myself
when I am just waiting for it to be over. I
want to get some satisfaction," Sandra says.
"But I don’t ask about experimenting with
new things because he is too traditional,
conservative and boring.”
But Foley says that you shouldn't be afraid
to take charge. “Invite him to have a sex
talk. Begin to tell him what you want in
bed, how you like to be touched and see if
he can remember that. If he can’t remem-
ber that in bed, it’s probably not because
he’s a bad or a selfish man, he’s probably
just anxious. People who tend to be boring
in bed often haven’t had a chance to un-
derstand sex.”
“I want us to be
more experimental” “My sexual fantasy?
My partner isn’t in it”
“It turns me on to focus my attention on
his pleasure," says 42-year-old Sarah* from
North London. “My partner doesn’t do
anything wrong, but I would be a little em-
barrassed about discussing experimental
sex. I might not like what I hear back! My
sexual fantasy is to be in a masked orgy
just for the fun of it, but he's weird about
being naked in front of lots of people." “My partner and I have a very good sexual
relationship. We have been together for
more than 30 years, and if there was
something I would like to try he would
have no qualms about giving it a go," says
50-year-old Michelle* from Kent. “But my
only sexual fantasy at this point in my life
would be with a younger, athletic man.
But I wouldn’t try it out, as it would mean
being unfaithful to my husband.”
“This is sex that’s outside the box," says
Foley. “It requires a lot of talking in
advance, setting boundaries and expecta-
tions. Engage him in conversation about
play." Try saying: “I am interested in play-
ing out this fantasy, but you are not. What
are some other ways that we can expand
our sex drives and be creative?”
57% of women
orgasm while
having sex with
a partner.
Foley says that in this situation, practising
'tune in, tune out’ is very effective. "Tune
in on the aspects that are positive. For
example, is he a great kisser? Or are his
arms still muscular, even if the rest of his
body isn’t?”
You could even have a conversation about
working out more. "Emphasise that it is
not about being the hottest guy in the
universe and more about health.” The way
you approach this topic is very important,
as it “tends to crush people” when it comes
to “very basic things like their physical
health.” •
Foley believes that the one vital thing that all women should keep in mind when it comes to their pleasure is “knowing and
understanding how her body works” and knowing how to communicate that to their partners.
17 • Dawn Magazine • Issue 01