CAREER
words by: BETHANY PARK
With a go-getter attitude, a successful career, and – if you’re lucky - a husband that’s happy
to wash the dishes; does the new breed of the female breadwinner really have it all? Victoria
Pynchon, self-proclaimed breadwinner and author of She Negotiates, exclusively spoke to
Dawn about the modern-day pitfalls of bringing home the bacon…
N
o one goes into marriage expecting it to be all plain sailing,
but when Victoria Pynchon began to out-earn her husband
there were some unwelcome repercussions.
“When most women have problems in this situation, it is rarely
about the actual money. It is about responsibility, fairness, respect,
disrespect, anger, resentment... So, if you’re willing to work any
issues out, you just have to look past the money aspect and ask
“Being the breadwinner destroyed my marriage”, Pynchon
what it really is that you’re not working together on. But my ex just
confesses.
wasn’t working, and I had friends at the time who were
experiencing the same thing, too. Another issue for me was that I
“I was the female breadwinner for many
always had to wonder, ‘why do I have to
years, and it caused enormous conflict.
be the designated person to work in such a
BREADWINNING WIVES’
My ex-husband also expressed a lot of
stressful profession?’ So, I guess you could
SURVIVAL GUIDE:
animosity towards me, my co-workers, and
say that I became resentful too, but it was
By the Experts and the Real Women
hated that I sometimes had to work on the
only ever tied to work and responsibility.”
Who Make It Work
weekend.”
With intense feelings of resentment
“PLAN YOUR FINANCES TOGETHER”
And Pynchon isn’t alone. According to
becoming seemingly unstoppable,
Jo Pyott, a purchasing manager for an
a recent Harvard study, couples are now
Pynchon’s ex-husband came to his own
international mining company has out-earned decision that he could never make enough
more likely to divorce if the husband fails
to live up to a ‘breadwinner stereotype’. The her husband for over ten years. “My advice
money “to make a difference”, and so, their
study found that couples who had married would be to open a joint bank account and put marriage came to an end. But did
the same percentage of both of your income
after 1974 had a 2.5% chance of divorce
escaping this toxic relationship make her
when it was the husband who earned more; into it. You should always financially plan
any happier?
together regardless of who is earning, and for
but the odds were up to 3.3% if he didn’t.
us, doing this also meant that my husband
“I am much happier today compared to
didn’t feel like he was being kept.”
Yet it is still rapidly becoming the norm
how I was then,” Pynchon laughs. “I am
for more women to bring home the bacon.
married to a man who has zero
“RECOGNISE IT AS CHANCE OR CHOICE”
Thanks to decades of protesting for
resentment towards me, we are both
Beth Aubrey*, a lecturer and magistrate,
equality, men are gladly handing over
financially supportive a