Darkside 95
Nicola asks : I still have hard no ’ s on my list , but I absolutely love fulfilling other people ’ s fantasies and fetishes . Even if it ’ s something I ’ m not into or get off of myself - if I know its something that really turns on my partner , I am all game and while the act of that particular fetish may not turn me on , giving that to them and witnessing their excitement turns me on . I was talking to my partner about this and we were saying there must be some sort of term for this . Or , would you say that ’ s just simply being open and kinky ?
Nicola , who doesn ’ t love a pleaser ? You sound like everyone ’ s sexual desire . I ’ ve never heard of a term for this other than a “ people pleaser . “ Compersion may be another term for it , but it ’ s not meant as a sexual term or a term in the fetish world . Basically , you ’ re a really selfless person and you should be appreciated for that .
Carrie asks : I would enjoy being with another woman with my boyfriend but the thought of them having sex turns me on and also makes me furiously mad at the same time , as I would have to watch it happen . I want It to happen but also don ’ t . Have you any thoughts on how I can overcome this dilemma please ?
Carrie , there ’ s almost always jealousy involved in polyamourous relationships . Some people can overcome it while others can ’ t . My advice to you is start out slow . Watch your boyfriend kiss another woman or something that you deem mild and see how you handle that . You can decide if something more mild than having sex is a huge turn on or sparks more anger and jealousy than it ’ s worth .
Serena asks : Okay , so not strictly a bdsm question , but I ’ ve been living in this house for a few months now , and I realised very early on that I ’ m extremely attracted to one of my housemates . I find myself fantasising about both him and my partner fucking me . I tried to wait it out , see if the sexual attraction would go away but with no success . So , instead I want to ask for help in how I can practically tell my housemate ( who currently knows nothing about my relationship dynamic ) that I ’ m sexually attracted to him without causing any problems .
Serena , that could get sticky . There ’ s no way to be sure it won ’ t cause problems . Personally , I would either bury it or I would throw him a bone and see what his reaction is . I might dress up really sexy one night like I was going out on a date and then say it was cancelled and see if he looks at me differently . Try to entice him in some way , open a door for him and see if he takes the bait . This will show you whether the attraction is mutual . Once you figure out if he feels the same way , you will know which way to go . At least if he makes the first move it won ’ t be awkward with you coming onto him and risking rejection . If you can tell he has no sexual attraction towards you then you will have to let it go . I find this to be the safest way to avoid any future problems with your housemate is to make sure the ball is in his court .
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