EDITOR ’ S PICK
Knost explains that healthy boundaries are not selfish , controlling , demanding , unreasonable or unloving . They are self-honoring , confident , secure , reasonable , and rooted in love .
So , a lack of boundaries is clearly not good for parents or children , but what about being super strict about them ? There are a couple of problems with having no wiggle room and going straight to consequences . The first is that being inflexible causes parents to overlook the reason behind the struggle or behavior . The reason behind the behavior ( and the human behind the behavior ) always matters . Very often , children misbehave because of big feelings they don ’ t know how to deal with or because they ’ re lacking in skill due to development . When we don ’ t consider these things , we miss important teaching / healing opportunities .
Second , being too strict will actually trigger your child ’ s natural instinct to push back . Mother Nature wired children so that they are resistant to anyone they do not feel connected to . Ruling with an iron fist erodes connection because children don ’ t feel seen , heard , or respected , and this invites power struggles .
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