Here are five keys to setting and holding effective boundaries :
Understand what is developmentally possible . Many times , we set expectations that are beyond our children ’ s maturity or development level . Toddlers , for example , have very underdeveloped prefrontal cortices . This is the area of the brain responsible for reasoning , for understanding cause and effect , and for emotional control and regulation . When we expect toddlers to “ stop and think about their actions ,” we are expecting something they aren ’ t even cognitively capable of doing yet . It helps to understand basic child and brain development for this reason . Even teens , although they may be taller than us and look quite grown , still have brains that are under construction . They don ’ t always have access to the higher brain functions that aren ’ t fully developed until around age 25 . This explains they ’ re moody and sometimes risky behaviors , but it doesn ’ t excuse them . It just means they need us to step in with our logical , fully formed brains and help them make the right choices .
18