1. Ask Open-Ended Questions One of the first things you learn in counseling graduate school is the art of asking open-ended questions to keep a conversation going. We have a tendency of asking closed-ended questions, which lead to one-word answers, rather than paving the way for deeper conversations. For example, a closed-ended question would be: How was your day? To which the other person could respond with one word: Good! The alternate open-ended question would be something like: What was the best part of your day today? You can’ t answer that question with a one-word answer, which is why it’ s called an open-ended question. It paves the way for more conversation.
Jesus modeled the importance of asking questions and inviting people to go deeper with Him
One thing I’ ve noticed in the Gospels is how often Jesus asked questions. He asked many open-ended questions that showed care and concern, and conveyed that He wasn’ t after the quick answer. He wanted to go deeper, and His questions were always invitations for more. Even as a little boy, He was intentional in asking questions( Luke 2:49). It makes me really consider my own approach to asking questions in conversations. Am I truly wanting to go deeper with people, or am I more interested in giving my own opinions, thoughts and ideas? Jesus modeled the importance of asking questions and inviting people to go deeper with Him.
Here are some more examples of open-ended questions you can use to make conversation:
• What was the hardest part of your day today?
• What is something you are looking forward to and why?
• What do you like about your career?
• What was the best part of your weekend?
• What are you enjoying about …?
• What has been the most difficult thing about …?
• Why do you feel that way about …?
Start to see open-ended questions as an essential part of your conversations and take initiative in using them to go deeper with people.
2. Convey Genuine Interest The most important part of having a good conversation probably comes down to genuine interest: Do you actually care? Not, are you trying to get something out of this conversation, or to simply get through this conversation, but are you genuinely interested in this person and what this person has to say? No one is rating you on your ability to have a good conversation, because it’ s not about you to begin with. It’ s about your ability to convey love, care, concern, compassion and kindness to the person you’ re interacting with. Whether it’ s a serious or superficial conversation makes no difference.
The most important part of having a good conversation probably comes down to genuine interest
Often when people feel misunderstood, it’ s because there’ s been a lack of genuine interest displayed in the conversation. They wonder if you’ ve really seen them. Another thing I admire about the conversation skills of Jesus is the genuine care and concern He had for the people He interacted with. He stopped what He was doing, allowed for interruptions, looked them in the eye, and got on their level. He saw people( Matthew 9:20-22). Are our conversations an avenue for us to really see people? To really care about them? What if conversations weren’ t about what we“ got out of them,” but about our ability to convey God’ s love for the people we’ re conversing with? That mental shift alone would increase our conversation skills tenfold no matter who it is we’ re talking with.
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