3. Listen Actively Being a good conversationalist means learning to really listen. It’ s so easy to let your mind wander during conversation, to get distracted by what’ s happening around you or what you are going to say next instead of really tuning in to what the person in front of you is saying. For me, the most embarrassing moments are when I forget someone’ s name after they literally just told it to me three seconds ago. And it’ s not because I didn’ t hear it; it’ s because I didn’ t really listen and receive it. Listening requires you to be present in the moment and actively receive what’ s being conveyed to you with genuine interest. This requires us to clear our minds and shift our mindset.
Being a good conversationalist means learning to really listen
Good conversation can usher us into spiritually significant interactions! Scripture affirms this:“ Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone”( Colossians 4:6). Just like salt adds flavor to other ingredients, your conversation skills can add flavor to an interaction and take it from superficial to supernatural. CRA
Excerpted and adapted from: People Skills. Copyright © 2026 by Debra Fileta. Published by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, Oregon 97408. www. harvesthousepublishers. com
4. Share Your Perspective Having a good conversation invites you to give as well as receive. If you ask too many questions without being intentional about sharing something in return, the conversation starts to feel like an interrogation rather than a relational investment. You don’ t want to drown the conversation with your perspective, but you also don’ t want to withhold it. You want to walk away feeling like you learned something about them, and they learned something about you. In fact, drilling someone with questions can be a deflection mechanism: a way to keep a conversation going without having to be vulnerable. It’ s intentionally keeping the spotlight on someone else to avoid having it on you, so that you don’ t have to give emotionally or relationally. That might get you through one interaction, but it doesn’ t strengthen relationships or build emotional equity. So take inventory of your ability to receive and to give in a conversation.
Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor and bestselling author of eight books. Her latest is People Skills: Your Relationships Are Only as Strong as Your Skills. Debra is a national speaker who travels the country reaching millions of people with the message of mental, emotional and relational healing. Debra is the host of the popular podcast and nationally syndicated radio show Talk To Me, where she hosts on-air counseling style sessions with people from across the country. She and her husband, John, and their four children live in Lancaster, Pennsylvania.
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