T HE G IF T OF DIFFE RE NCE
Continued from page 7
and one of the first responsibilities we
gave them was to lead our community in
a conversation about what responsible,
respectful political discourse sounds like.
The Head of Upper School and I sup-
ported them in working together on a
common message. In an assembly they
offered our Upper School community the
following tips for constructive dialogue.
• Affirm what you heard was said.
For example: “Yes, I’ve been reading
about immigration reform, too...”
• Be transparent. You can start a con-
versation about a controversial topic by
addressing that it is a heated subject.
• Cite [School] values. You can frame
a discussion by asking how you can
use one or more of the [School’s]
goals to talk through a challenging
topic.
• Respond from a place of compas-
sion. Acknowledge that you under-
stand how the other person might
be feeling toward whatever topic
you all are discussing.
• Ask questions. This shows that you
are engaged in the conversation and
truly what to understand another
person’s viewpoints.
• Focus on making statements
based in fact. For example, you
could ask for clarification on the
source of information.
Page 8 Summer 2020
•
When commenting on another
person’s belief that you might
not agree with, refrain of saying
“yes, but...” because it can lead to
people feeling unheard. Instead,
say “yes, and...” because it opens
doors for collaboration and contin-
ued dialogue.
Our biggest test after all of this train-
ing came the following year on the day
of Christine Blasey Ford’s testimony in
Congress. Our school had students who
felt invested in the hearing for a variety
of reasons, ranging from some for whom
Brett Kavanaugh had been their basket-
ball coach to some who were themselves
survivors of sexual assault. They also all
felt differently about the hearing based
on their political and social views. At first
our Head of School asked staff not to talk
about the issue with students. However,
upon being reminded of the groundwork
we had laid for these hard conversations
and the resources that were available
from organizations like Facing History
and Ourselves, she gave staff the green
light to allow the space for students to
talk about the events on their minds.
With the support of their teachers and
the training they had received the year
before, students did indeed talk their
way through their feelings. When the
Head of School asked for students to
let her know how they were impacted
by the events, students shared that the
most important thing for her to know
was that even though they had differing
thoughts and feelings about the hearing
CSEE Connections