Caregiver emotion trap # 3: Anger Some people outwardly show their anger more than others, but almost no one is never angry.
What causes anger: We get mad for reasons both direct( a balky loved one, an unfair criticism, one too many mishaps in a day) and indirect( lack of sleep, frustration over lack of control, pent-up disappointment).
Risks of anger: Chronic anger and hostility have been linked to high blood pressure, heart attack and heart disease, digestive-tract disorders, and headaches. Anger that builds up unexpressed can lead to depression or anxiety, while anger that explodes outward can jeopardize relationships and even harm others. Managing caregiver anger not only helps your well-being but makes you less likely to take out your fury on your loved one.
What you can do: Rather than trying to avoid anger, learn to express it in healthy ways. Simple deepbreathing exercises can channel mounting anger into a calmer state, for example. Talk yourself down with soothing chants: It’ s okay. Let it go. Ask yourself if there’ s a constructive solution to situations that make you angry: Is a compromise possible? Would being more assertive( which is different from anger) help you feel a sense of control? Laughing at absurdities and idiotic behavior can provide a healthier biological release than snapping.
Caregiver emotion trap # 4: Worry A little goes a long way, but sometimes we can’ t turn off the fretting.
What causes worry: Good intentions, love, and wanting the best for your loved ones are the wellsprings of worry. Focusing intensely on the what-ifs provides a perverse kind of comfort to the brain: If we’ re worrying, we’ re engaged. Of course, that ultimately triggers more worry and upset because it’ s engagement without accomplishing anything.
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Risks of worry: Being concerned is harmless. Over worry and obsessing, however, can disrupt sleep, cause headaches and stomach aches, and lead to mindless eating or undereating.
What you can do: If you notice worrying thoughts interfering with getting through the day or sleeping at night, force a break to the cycle. Try setting a timer and resolving to focus on something else when the five minutes is up. Then flip negative thoughts to their productive side: How can you help? Can you call someone? Are there possible solutions? And don’ t be shy about seeking out a trained counselor to help you express and redirect obsessive ruminations more constructively.
Caregiver emotion trap # 5: Loneliness Your world can shrink almost before you realize what’ s happened.
What causes loneliness: Friends may back away out of uncertainty or a belief they aren’ t wanted. Intense time demands lead you to drop out of outside activities. If you’ re dealing with dementia, the loss of your loved one’ s former level of companionship is another keenly felt social loss adding to isolation.
Risks of loneliness: Your very brain is altered: People with large, rich social networks have different brain structures, new research finds. Loneliness seems to curb willpower and the ability to persevere, and it can lead to overeating, smoking, and overuse of alcohol. Lonely people also have more cortisol, the stress hormone. And social isolation is a risk factor for dementia.