Be Made Whole 6 | Page 24

For whatever the reason that your son’s father is not in the home assisting to raise him, you cannot allow a bad personal relationship dictate your son’s relationship with his father. Your relationship with his father worked for a given time and so the end result of his son has to be more important than the emotional state that it left you in. Your son is not responsible for a relationship gone bad. Your son is only the by- product of the union. Mothers use their sons as pawns to get back or to punish fathers. They don’t realize that their son’s father has something for the son that the mother can never give, a sense of being. There will always be a void or something missing if a son never knows his father. It is a way of bringing closure to allow your son to see the complete picture of himself. In his growing up, he will learn to make choices to do the right thing or succumb to the wrong but the overall thinking of a decision rests with how the boy sees himself. He may be hesitant to do the wrong thing because he does not want to disappoint his parents. Being void of a father limits your son with the information necessary to know how to be a father himself. If his father was not supportive, he may vow never to do the same to his son or he may fall in the same cycle of events.

Remember that words form judgment over people, they are very powerful. They can tear down or build up. As humans we are creatures of habit. Mothers who speak effectively bring about massive change. To be effective, you must speak of and to the situation when speaking to your son. We empower our sons by letting them know that they have the ultimate power to change situations. When they learn at an early age that circumstances do not control them, it gives them a tool of control knowing that all things are not permanent. Your words and the manner in which you speak them is powerful. You can speak life into the universe regarding your son and faith will give flight to the message. It is very important to keep an active notice on your son and his behaviors. Don’t become so bogged with the daily cares and the heaviness of life make you take your eyes off of your child. If you ask your son, he will be able to quote words that you constantly say to him. It may surprise you to know that he really listens to what you say. Balance the words you say to him so that his memory is not just the harsh ones, the ones that ridicule, the ones that hurt. You want to say words that discipline but you have to keep a balance and say ones to support and encourage as well. Your son respects you and relies on your nurturance to rescue him when he is still at a stage of discovery.

If your relationship with your son’s father did not end well, be careful in how you paint the picture of his worth to your son. He may not have been able to be a good husband or mate but that doesn’t stop him from being a good father to his son. If your words are harsh regarding a missing father, he will believe what he hears and will size himself up as a product of his father. When he makes a bad decision, he should feel personal responsibility for it without feeling that he made it because his father made bad decisions. You have to be careful regarding the building up of your son’s character.

the power to overcome baby daddy drama

Dr. Terita Mccauley

What I Learned

1. Mothers protect, fathers teach.

2. Fathers need relationships with their sons.

3. Words carry the power to build up or tear down.

4. The power to forgive keeps us free