Dr. Terita Gusby-McCauley Received her Doctorate degree from Kansas State University in Curriculum & Instruction and Masters of Science degree in Urban Education in Manhattan, Kansas; Bachelor of Science degrees in Special Education and Elementary Education from Culver-Stockton University in Canton, Mo. She has taught and worked for over 30 years in various capacities: college professor, district administrator, program director, special education instructor and education consultant. She has 3 children, Talib age 35, Tulani age 25, and Togai age 20. She has dedicated her study, research and teaching to making a personal commitment to understand the plight of male youth and work diligently to make the playing field a more level one for them. to succeed.
It is character building that allows your son to understand that when he gives his word, he has to keep it. You have to keep your word as well. Be careful in giving out a punishment in the heat of anger because oftentimes we have to resend it or find ourselves punished in the process. When you speak you have to promote and remind him of his promises to try hard, to do better, to do his best. You have to hold him to his word. This teaches trust, integrity and character. The bible tells us (Proverbs 3:5) “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” The same way we believe that God will come through, we have to instill that same belief to our sons that they will keep their word and finish the course. You have to separate your personal relationship from your parenting relationship. The strength that is needed to do this only comes from God.
A mother may withhold her son’s association with his father because the father has married or has established a relationship with another woman. As an adult you have to look at the entire picture and consider the greater good for your son. It’s not about the other woman, it’s about your son and his relationship with his father. Mothers protect their sons, fathers teach their sons. A woman cannot teach a boy what it looks like to be a man because she is not a man. She can instill qualities to her son that he should have when he grows up but it is only a substitute for the real thing. Sons need modeling. Unless there are signs of danger associated with his father, it is necessary that your son knows and is allowed to communicate with his father. You may have to be the first to reach out to his father. It doesn’t matter who was the first or last, it has to be done. Forgiveness is a healthy thing. It opens the door to growth and healing. When we do not forgive, it stagnates our growth. If we don’t forgive, the enemy tricks us to believe that we have power and control of the hurt that we feel. It is a distracter and has the ability to occupy our lives for years or even generations. If the marriage or relationship didn’t work – move on. You were not his ultimate choice, he was not your ultimate choice – move on. Beloved, God is not finished with you yet.