Life / You, Me, We
… After Leaving an Abusive Marriage
in 2014 Shacre Bennett, now 35, prestocked her car with spare clothes and documents, planning to finally leave her abusive husband of 12 years for good. She lives in Delaware.
It was early on a weekend morning, and I fled in the middle of an argument to avoid being hit. I had to go to court as soon as I could to get a protection order. I didn’ t have my children with me, and he wouldn’ t let me pick them up. When I finally got them later that week, they asked if we were going back home. I told them no.
Previously when I tried to leave, there were battles, but I made up my mind not to go back in spite of all the barriers, like my finances, the legal fights, and where my kids and I would live. If I had stayed, I probably would be in my grave or in a mental institution.
After we left, my children and I were in a domestic violence shelter for a month. I had good and bad days. I had to focus on what was really important: I was free of the years of chaos and turmoil.
The legal process was stressful and exhausting. It took two years. It’ s hard not knowing what’ s going to happen in the court system with your children and not knowing if you’ ll have the finances to care for them. All I wanted was to be divorced.
I’ ve overcome so much, by the grace of God. I was in church, I started therapy, and I went to support groups; peer-to-peer groups helped my kids. I took financial classes with the Allstate Foundation. All this gave me strength when I felt like life was too tough.
I’ ve found my voice over this year: The more I spoke out, the more it helped me heal. Leaving the marriage, I didn’ t know who I was; I was lost, angry, confused, and
Moving On“ I walked away without guilt or any regrets,” says Bennett.
depressed, and just downright felt like nothing. For so many years all that negativity resonated in my spirit. I had to train myself to release those thoughts. Now I know who I am: I am not a victim, but I’ m a survivor. I have the victory. To anyone in an abusive situation: Don’ t wait. Go get help. There is life after domestic violence.
… After Weight-Loss Surgery
ashley Max-Dixon, 31, a model and mother of four in Columbus, Ohio, had gastric bypass surgery after her doctor told her she might not live more than five years because of the health risks associated with her weight.
I’ ve been plus-size since I was 10 years old. Food was like breathing air for me. I couldn’ t get enough of the good feeling that came from eating.
So when my husband and I found out that our son, Ayden, had autism, food was my comfort. You have all these hopes for your child, and to find out he has autism— well, that diagnosis hits you.
I gained so much weight that I was almost bedridden. When I hit 440 pounds, the doctor told me I possibly had only five years to live. I realized, I can’ t keep eating this way; Ayden is going to need me for a really long time. He was my motivator.
The surgery was scary, but not compared with what came next: For six weeks
“ 8 things I learned in my first year of being sober”
by Kristi Coulter, a writer in Seattle. She has been sober since June 2013 and chronicling all about it at offdry. com.
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1
I’ m not incurably tired. That fried feeling I had for years? It wasn’ t fatigue. It was a chronic low-grade hangover.
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2
Alcohol is a depressant. I knew this from health class; I just didn’ t think it applied to me personally. Turns out, when I stop putting a depressant in my body, it gradually stops being depressed. Who knew?
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3
My favorite ice cream flavor is banana. I have tried thousands of flavors at this point— and somehow I still wonder why I’ m not losing weight from cutting out all those wine calories.
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4
I deserve that ice cream, damn it. In the past I had tried to quit drinking by berating myself for any slipup. This time I give myself prizes: manicures, magazines, shoes. Rewards work.
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CAR: AMANDA MARSALIS / TRUNK ARCHIVE |
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