Life / You , Me , We
… After Leaving an Abusive Marriage
in 2014 Shacre Bennett , now 35 , prestocked her car with spare clothes and documents , planning to finally leave her abusive husband of 12 years for good . She lives in Delaware .
It was early on a weekend morning , and I fled in the middle of an argument to avoid being hit . I had to go to court as soon as I could to get a protection order . I didn ’ t have my children with me , and he wouldn ’ t let me pick them up . When I finally got them later that week , they asked if we were going back home . I told them no .
Previously when I tried to leave , there were battles , but I made up my mind not to go back in spite of all the barriers , like my finances , the legal fights , and where my kids and I would live . If I had stayed , I probably would be in my grave or in a mental institution .
After we left , my children and I were in a domestic violence shelter for a month . I had good and bad days . I had to focus on what was really important : I was free of the years of chaos and turmoil .
The legal process was stressful and exhausting . It took two years . It ’ s hard not knowing what ’ s going to happen in the court system with your children and not knowing if you ’ ll have the finances to care for them . All I wanted was to be divorced .
I ’ ve overcome so much , by the grace of God . I was in church , I started therapy , and I went to support groups ; peer-to-peer groups helped my kids . I took financial classes with the Allstate Foundation . All this gave me strength when I felt like life was too tough .
I ’ ve found my voice over this year : The more I spoke out , the more it helped me heal . Leaving the marriage , I didn ’ t know who I was ; I was lost , angry , confused , and
Moving On “ I walked away without guilt or any regrets ,” says Bennett .
depressed , and just downright felt like nothing . For so many years all that negativity resonated in my spirit . I had to train myself to release those thoughts . Now I know who I am : I am not a victim , but I ’ m a survivor . I have the victory . To anyone in an abusive situation : Don ’ t wait . Go get help . There is life after domestic violence .
… After Weight-Loss Surgery
ashley Max-Dixon , 31 , a model and mother of four in Columbus , Ohio , had gastric bypass surgery after her doctor told her she might not live more than five years because of the health risks associated with her weight .
I ’ ve been plus-size since I was 10 years old . Food was like breathing air for me . I couldn ’ t get enough of the good feeling that came from eating .
So when my husband and I found out that our son , Ayden , had autism , food was my comfort . You have all these hopes for your child , and to find out he has autism — well , that diagnosis hits you .
I gained so much weight that I was almost bedridden . When I hit 440 pounds , the doctor told me I possibly had only five years to live . I realized , I can ’ t keep eating this way ; Ayden is going to need me for a really long time . He was my motivator .
The surgery was scary , but not compared with what came next : For six weeks
“ 8 things I learned in my first year of being sober ”
by Kristi Coulter , a writer in Seattle . She has been sober since June 2013 and chronicling all about it at offdry . com .
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1
I ’ m not incurably tired . That fried feeling I had for years ? It wasn ’ t fatigue . It was a chronic low-grade hangover .
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2
Alcohol is a depressant . I knew this from health class ; I just didn ’ t think it applied to me personally . Turns out , when I stop putting a depressant in my body , it gradually stops being depressed . Who knew ?
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3
My favorite ice cream flavor is banana . I have tried thousands of flavors at this point — and somehow I still wonder why I ’ m not losing weight from cutting out all those wine calories .
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4
I deserve that ice cream , damn it . In the past I had tried to quit drinking by berating myself for any slipup . This time I give myself prizes : manicures , magazines , shoes . Rewards work .
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CAR : AMANDA MARSALIS / TRUNK ARCHIVE |
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