OPENING SPREAD: YU TSAI. THIS PAGE: BEN GOLDSTEIN / STUDIO D.

It didn’ t occur to me not to let my phone out of my hands until it was too late. By then, my fiancée was reciting the very specific search terms I’ d accidentally left open. I played dumb. She laughed. I was mortified. We didn’ t talk about it further, though, because we were in a car my buddy was driving, and this kind of talk required privacy.

Or... maybe it was a talk we didn’ t need to have? Is there really a moral imperative to discuss porn habits? It’ s not like it’ s the same as disclosing an STI or that you’ re a Smash Mouth fan. A friend of mine who’ s a sex therapist says that, as long as what you’ re into is legal and doesn’ t reveal any troubling hidden facets of your personality, not telling your partner is a matter of discretion, not secrecy. My girlfriend and I seemed to have a silent agreement that I could indulge in porn occasionally, as long as she didn’ t see evidence of it and as long as she did see evidence that I was wildly attracted to her.

So we never spoke of it again. For us, this works. If your relationship is strong enough to survive holiday-travel drama and restaurant indecision, it should be strong enough to overlook his habit— or yours. If not, well, I hope he’ s careful with his phone.

— Joe Berkowitz is the coauthor of You Blew It! An Awkward Look at the Many Ways in Which You’ ve Already Ruined Your Life.

THE MOST SEARCHED TERM WORLDWIDE ON PORN HUB. COM IN 2015

SOURCE: PORNHUB. COM

Lately, I’ ve been trying to wean myself off porn. Because after about 15 years of devoted, almost daily watching, masturbating to it makes me really depressed. Switching mindlessly from video to video is pleasurable enough in the moment, but when the deed is done, I’ m struck with a deep, disgusted, I-want-acigarette feeling. But orgasms are supposed to feel good! No one told me that jerking off to porn would make me feel like shit.

Why? For one, porn objectifies women with its fake storylines, like sex with stepmothers, student-teacher hookups, and endless other sleazy scenarios. Then there’ s the larger reason: When I orgasm to porn, I can’ t help but think that I’ ve literally wasted a part of myself watching two humans performing pointless sex instead of enjoying it with a person I care about. It’ s then when I think, Life is meaningless. And when I look down at the soiled napkin in my hand, it’ s hard not to believe it.

— Matthew Kassel’ s writing has appeared in The Wall Street Journal and New York.

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