AUTISM ADVOCACY
physical and verbal assault, intimidation, theft, and
even coercion into committing crime. This places an
obligation on educators and parents to take steps to
help children and young people recognize and resist
being drawn into abusive relationships.
Analyzing friendship and the particular dynamics of
it is complex. It is a natural part of life to have favored
company, uneven dynamics within relationships,
and to face “give and take.” It is an element of friend-
ship to make allowances for the aspects of a person’s
character that we like less, to give the benefit of the
doubt, and to do favors for one another.
It can also take time for the real agenda to become
evident, which can mean the betrayal can be more
devastating for the victim as they may not have re-
alized they had been taken advantage of if they did
not recognize the behavior as abuse.
On other occasions, if so eager for friendship, a per-
son with autism may tolerate aggressive and un-
pleasant behavior from the outset if it means they
are not alone. The company of an abusive person is
still company.
So how can we support children and young people
to distinguish genuine friendship from harmful rela-
tionships and negative influences?
We can ask 10 questions to serve as a conversation
prompt to establish whether the child or young per-
son is at risk of mate crime:
8. Do your friends only want to meet you alone?
9. Do your friends encourage you to do things
you know are against the law?
10. D
o your friends pressure you to do things that
make you feel bad?
Asking these questions or having to tell a child or
young person that someone is using them is not a
message that will be easy to deliver. It may be that
they seek to justify the behavior if they are convinced
the perpetrator is a friend and feel a sense of guilt at
the prospect of reporting them. There may be added
feelings of embarrassment and humiliation.
It is also important to add that people with autism
can of course be perpetrators and not only the vic-
tims of mate crime, and they will need support to un-
derstand as well.
The shocking figures relating to the rise in mate crime
compel us to take steps to safeguard against it with-
out becoming cynical ourselves or instill mistrust.
It is possible that genuine relationships can form
and that people can befriend those on the autism
spectrum without an agenda. Educators and par-
ents can see these relationships as part of the social
and emotional support that can be given to children
and young people to empower them to distinguish
real friendship from fake, and enjoy positive, healthy
friendships with others.
1. Do your friends sometimes make you upset?
2. Do your friends ever call you names that you
don’t like?
3. Do your friends ever hurt you physically?
4. Do your friends ask you for money but don’t
pay it back?
5. Do your friends take, use, or damage your be-
longings?
6. Do your friends use your phone, or ask you to
use your phone to take photographs or send
messages that you don’t want to send?
7. Do your friends bring other people to your
home that you don’t know or didn’t invite?
Catherine “Kate” Sarginson has
been a teacher for 16 years. She
has a master’s degree in inclusive
education and post graduate
qualification “National Award in
Special Educational Needs Co-
ordination.” She is working to-
wards an MPhil from the Univer-
sity of Manchester, focusing on
training teachers and influencing best practices for
pupils with various special educational needs. Kate
has experience in specialist residential college for
young adults with learning difficulties, mainstream
high school, and, currently, independent boarding
school. Her current role is head of learning support
at Sedbergh School in Cumbria, England.
Autism Parenting Magazine | Issue 65 |
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