You can't control all the things and people around you, no matter how much you try- and it's not ethical to manipulate others to bring about your desired outcomes- but you can control yourself, and your reactions to the circumstances you find yourself in.
It does not require that you become a superhero, or exercise a degree of courage you simply can't muster during painful and traumatic events. What it does require is that you remember that you are not the only person in the world, that others suffer too- and that is the key to keeping things real.
Past events do, in some part, shape your reactions- especially if you are flying on automatic. Momentum will keep you moving in that direction for awhile, even after you have changed your course of action. It's important to remember that life doesn't stop on a dime when you change your mind. There will continue to be a certain amount of fallout from past behaviors, until the corner that you've turned is far behind you. To get out from under the weather, you must travel a certain distance. The bigger the storm, the further the distance you must go to leave its influence. It must also be remembered that storms move, and consequences follow you. Sometimes the quickest way out is to go straight through it. Acknowledge your part in events and patterns. Make amends, or at least try. Not all the mud will melt away under a powerful jet of intention, but a good deal of it will stop cluttering up your attention span, and you will keep chipping away at the residue with all your supportive clean-up efforts. Be patient with yourself.
Long standing patterns have a way of creating ridges and ruts in our minds and emotional natures. They steer us to react in a programmed fashion, often before we have a chance to think.