136 Aptavani-9
knowledge( about your identity). Your work is done once that wrong belief is removed.
One man told me,‘ I have never had any suspicions about my‘ self’. Today I do.’ I asked him,‘ A real doubt has fallen today on your knowledge that you are Chandulal, has it not?’ Doubt means a crack has occurred. So should a crack not appear in the knowledge of‘ I am Chandulal’? This suspicion must arise. One has to be absolutely suspicion free( nihshank) about the real knowledge, of‘ I am the Soul; that is my real Self’. People on the other hand, remain absolutely suspicion free about the wrong knowledge of,‘ I am Chandulal.’
So when a doubt arises over the knowledge that has been known so far, then‘ we’ know that that knowledge is going to collapse. The knowledge in which doubt( vahem) and suspicion( shanka) falls, that knowledge is going to dissipate. There has to be knowledge that allows no suspicions. And that knowledge, which is real, will never have any suspicions. Sometimes, due to a veil of ignorance, one may not be able to understand, but that is a different matter altogether. Otherwise, no suspicion can ever occur in the knowledge that is real. This knowledge is Gnan, the Self. It is because therein lies the Self.
Doubt only over the ego
There has never been doubt over the ego. Doubt occurs over everything but not over the ego. Doubt over the belief of,‘ This Chandulal is I’ is considered doubt over the ego.
And you are not to get rid of your doubt over Chandulal; you simply have to keep it‘ dramatic’. A performer playing the role of King Bhartruhari is required to play his role very precisely. He will shout, he will renounce, he will cry, he will make all the gestures that will convince the audience of his sorrow. After the play if we ask him,‘ were you very sad and hurting you a lot?’ He will tell you,‘ No! I am Laxmichand. I was simply playing the role of King Bhartruhari.’ That is exactly