So it takes a tremendous amount of willpower to consciously overcome a habit. That is, of course, unless you know the shortcut.
How a Habit Works
This is from Charles Duhigg, author of The Power of Habit. He gathered research on habits and how they affect the human mind( and our behavior) and offered some astounding conclusions and some really amazing tips for how to break and reprogram habits that are making life harder.
Here’ s what I love about this.
It works with everything. Unless you are quite literally hardwired to your addiction( which is actually quite rare), you can overcome it with some simple habit loop reprogramming.
A habit is composed of three things:
1. Cue 2. Routine 3. Reward
Basically, something will happen to cue the habit to start. Then you’ ll go through your routine and receive the reward.
In this case, our habit is love. You’ re addicted to it- to the sense of belonging that it brings. To the fact that, when you are with him, you have a sense of purpose and identity.
The cue is him. He triggers the whole thing. So whenever you think about him, see him or talk about him, the whole thing starts up.
The routine is the NEED. The fear that he’ ll never come back. The NEED to contact him. The NEED to not be alone. The NEED to look at pictures or“ stumble” upon him in public.
The reward used to be that feeling of togetherness. Now, it’ s simple acknowledgement- the fact that he knows you exist and MIGHT be interested in getting back together.
We need to change ALL of this.
When it comes to routines and habits, the easiest way to make a change is to swap out the routine and leave the cue and reward alone.
In this case, that means getting rid of the need and replacing it with something else.
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