Nature reflects our nature k | ltlaDa
The Darkest Sunny Day !
The confidence flowing in my veins like blood because of the skills I had learned was audacious . I am a black belt in taekwondo and won few championships fighting my opponent . I would argue with the boys staring and picking on me . I had no fear of losing with anybody as I felt prepared for selfdefense against abusers . Just a few years down the line and I was walking for my Yoga class in the early morning . The day was bright with yellow rays of light striking my face . Earphones plugged in my ears ; I was thinking “ Nothing can go wrong in such a day .” The galli I used to walk every day was empty that day . I had the whole road to myself . I was singing along with the music and walking with my hands moving in the air to the beats of the music . Suddenly , I turned around and saw a guy coming behind me . All of a sudden , my heartbeat accelerated , and I slowly turned down the volume of my music without taking my earphones off of my ears . I started walking a little faster and changed the lane so I can observe the dude behind me . As soon as I changed the side , the dude ran towards me and threw me onto the road and I fell down really hard . He held my hands tight and my feet got paralyzed . I was numb and helpless and out of reflex , I cried so loud that the boy stood up and ran away . Luckily , He couldn ’ t hurt me except for my twisted legs . I slowly got up and ran towards the main road so that I can meet someone . At one moment , I thought I should follow the guy but the fear of being noticed by more men if he had any , scared me to death and therefore , I had to give up on my guts and ran for help . When I reached the main road , the main road , the main road , I felt a little relieved but so helpless that I cried all the way until my yoga class .
During my short journey from there to my class , thousands of thoughts ate me up . I felt so hopeless and helpless . I couldn ’ t stop crying nor could I change anything . I thought of all the self-defense classes I had taken to protect myself and what went wrong when I was actually attacked and then introspected the state of mind I had during the time . I felt numb and had so many doubts in my head . What if I get syringeattacked with a deadly virus ? Or what if I am acid-attacked and I will have to cry in pain with no one else to hear me ? Again , what If I get raped and killed ? Or just raped and I have to live a life of sympathy and despair ? Would I ever be able to bear that pain ? And the only thing that helped me then was my biological reflex enabling me to shriek at the top of my voice .
And then I thought , I am a girl in my twenties . Mediocre-looking brown girl , not popular among boys wearing clothes covering my whole body including my face with a mask . What was there to be attacked for ? I live in the most populated city and was attacked in the broad daylight . Hundreds of questions started popping on my head with comparison to more helpless women in this country who have been brutally abused . It is hard to explain butI started developing the fear of men since that incident . If I am walking and I see a man in front of me , my heart beats faster and turns me all paranoid . I literally feel weaker than before if I see a drunk man crossing the road along with me . Mine breathe stops if a bike passes alongside me for no reason . I never walk alone along reason . I never walk alone along the isolated gallis anymore and I always reach home before it gets dark . I always wear clothes covering my whole body and do not try looking pretty with makeup . I am disturbed by the way men try to flirt with me and I have started growing this immense amount of hatred towards all the men around me . My close friends have been men and they have been the best but for some reason , I feel uncomfortable with the same set of men these days .
Out of these all , one thought struck my mind , why was I more scared of being raped and not killed than being raped and murdered ? All these women trying to live for themselves being judged for their past and blamed for being victimized , traumatized me to the core . I had never realized I had been empathizing with every woman who is living a life of hell trying to survive among the people who are full of themselves . Women are married to their rapists and judged for their desires all this time . Most of the raped girls are suffering from serious mental health issues and some women surviving it all literally need
Nature and Social Concern Society 83