To complicate things even further , the family members who are not in the family business can be a frequent source of anxiety . Maybe it ’ s a sibling , or a spouse or the other parent . “ Maybe the husband doesn ’ t work there , but the son and daughter do ,” says Lang . “ At the kitchen table he will feel excluded , and he ’ s sick of hearing about it .”
This is not to say all family businesses , or even most , are rife with conflict and mental health issues . And clearly there are benefits , such as the pleasure of working with the people you love . “ I am not aware that family businesses cause any more mental strain than other kinds of businesses ,” says Robert Rivinius , executive director of the Family Business Association of California . But he also adds this : “ Except for the possible stress of dealing with some family members .” And there ’ s the rub . So here are 10 strategies the experts recommend :
1 . Set crisp expectations
Since much of the tension stems from ambiguity , Monroe says that a leader should set crystal clear expectations . True in any business , but crucial in a family business . “ The kid might not work for the parent ( CEO ), but the parent should be clear to the supervisor and say , ‘ I want this kid to be treated like every other employee ,’” says Monroe . Stick to objective criteria for how to evaluate performance , says Premo . “ People want to win ,” she says . “ They want to be able to look at their annual review , or mid-year review , and say ‘ I am winning at my job , and I ’ ve met my expectations .’”
2 . Knock out the succession plan before it ’ s urgent
Lang recommends that a CEO should start succession planning at least 10 years before she plans to retire . This lets it happen in a time of relative calm , as opposed to the urgent panic that can lead to stress or anxiety . As Lang is often hired by family businesses that are embroiled in messy , complicated succession nightmares — families that waited too long to create a plan — she now jokes , “ I ’ d make a whole lot less money if they called me in the beginning and said , ‘ 10 years from now I want to retire .’”
3 . Set boundaries
“ They have to have really clear boundaries between home and work ,” says Davis . No talking about the third quarter financials at the family barbecue . This goes deeper than just when you talk about work , says Premo — it requires viewing your family members in a different light . “ When you ’ re the CEO ,” she says , it means looking at your daughter “ not as your child , but as the senior vice president .” Or as Kurt Glassman , a Sacramento-based family business consultant puts it , “ You have to separate the family from the business .” And because that is not always possible , sometimes you need to do the following …
4 . Bring in a third party
This could take many forms : a family advisory board , a family business consultant , or just “ someone who specializes in the family business background ,” says Monroe , adding
that ideally a third party should have some kind of psychology or soft skills experience , and can be an “ objective outlet for all parties to dump their buckets , both positive and negative .”
5 . Listen
Davis calls active listening “ a necessary ingredient of an effective family business ,” explaining that the real trick is to listen on “ multiple layers .” Often with family businesses , says Davis , the literal comment could be about work , but the subtext might concern the family relationships . He gives a theoretical example : Maybe a wife wants to buy a new printer and asks her husband , the CEO , who snaps , “ I don ’ t want to buy another printer right now !” Perhaps there ’ s something deeper at play . Davis says if we truly listen , we might be sensitive to that “ he ’ s really stressed about money because grandma just got diagnosed with cancer , and it ’ s going to fall to us to take care of her .”
6 . Consider exiting
There is no law that says you must stay in the family business until you retire or die . We forget we have options . Lang says a clean exit is something that family business members rarely contemplate ,
October 2021 | comstocksmag . com 67