HEALTH & WELLNESS
Imagine a father who is the CEO of a company , and he employs his son . But the son is lazy . He misses deadlines , he loses clients , he flubs task after task . Finally the father has had enough . One night at home he turns to his son and says , “ Well , son , I ’ ve got to tell you . You ’ re fired .” Brief pause . “ Now let me put on my family hat . I heard you ’ ve had a really bad day . Let ’ s talk about it .”
Ken Monroe , chairman of Family Business Association of California , shares this anecdote with a chuckle . He says it ’ s an example often shared by family business consultants , as it illustrates the complex dynamics that can cause added stress , anxiety and conflict at both home and work . Families can be stressful . So can businesses . And working in a family business ? The stress compounds and multiplies . In the larger cultural context , this is perhaps more relevant than ever . Amanda Blackwood , president and CEO of the Sacramento Metropolitan Chamber of Commerce , says we are in a “ perfect storm ” of both experiencing and acknowledging mental health issues , as stressor after stressor continues to pile on — the original burdens of the pandemic , the seesaw of thinking COVID-19 is over and then reeling from the delta variant , the awful ambiguity of schooling and child care , and on and on . Then gymnast Simone Biles gave it global awareness . “ It ’ s a moment in time when someone so prolific normalizes something , and makes it a little bit easier for ‘ normal people ’ to be able to say , ‘ You know what , I ’ m not OK either .’” Blackwood notes that in one study ( a 2018 study from the health insurer Bupa Global ), more than six out of 10 senior business leaders suffered from mental health conditions , and she suspects it ’ s almost certainly higher for family businesses .
The root cause ? The experts all agree on essentially one thing : It ’ s complicated . “ All of the relationships are just so much more complex ,” says Blackwood , and it ’ s “ layered with familial expectations and history .”
The complications
The tension often starts with generational fissures , which can take many forms . “ When you ’ re the generation coming up , you ’ re always compared to the previous generation ,” says Monroe .
“ When you ’ re the generation coming up , you ’ re always compared to the previous generation . That can be tough , particularly if the founder has a very strong personality .”
KEN MONROE Chairman , Family Business Association of California
“ That can be tough , particularly if the founder has a very strong personality .” Most children feel a certain pressure to make mom and dad proud , but that can be overwhelming when the parent happens to be a legend . ( Consider the classic family business story , “ The Godfather ,” where Michael Corleone could have used a therapist .) Then there ’ s the opposite side . Stella Premo , executive director at the Capital Region Family Business Center in Roseville , says the older generation might bristle at the younger generation ’ s push to take a riskier approach . “ The founding generation is saying , ‘ Hey , kid , I built this business , and it ’ s also my retirement plan . You can ’ t play with my future ,’” says Premo .
Then there are the blurry lines between family and work , parent and boss , sibling and vice president , wife and CEO . Anxiety and depression often stem from “ the lack of boundaries between work and home ,” says Sean Davis , a family therapist and founder of The Davis Group , based in Roseville . Davis says conflict sparks when one spouse says , for example , “ You can ’ t boss me around ,” and the other responds , “ Well , yes I can , I ’ m the boss ,” and then “ No you ’ re not , you ’ re my wife .”
Money issues add more complications . Lois Lang , a family business consultant with a background in psychology who specializes in succession planning with Evolve Partner Group in Stockton , says some next-generation workers can be on “ the family plan ,” receiving cushy salaries that are not deserved . This can cause resentment and guilt . Or it can flip the other way : The son or daughter works his or her tail off for less than market value , because mom and dad are dangling the carrot of future ownership . Either scenario is “ not really fair ,” says Lang , as “ it should be totally separate .”
Another source of “ not really fair ” is succession planning . There ’ s a reason one of the most drama-packed shows on television is called , well , “ Succession .” Lang says the show rings truer than you might expect . Succession planning is “ a stressor on all generations ,” says Monroe , thanks to the brutal questions it raises : Who will inherit the brass ring ? When is the matriarch forced out ? And then the lurking questions beneath the questions : Which sibling does mom love best ? Am I good enough ? Do I deserve this ?
66 comstocksmag . com | October 2021