It is a painful process, one of doubt and resistance
It is easy for me to give in
I would be dishonest if I said that
There is a distinction between letting go and giving up
The need to be smaller is stronger than everything else
I could never understand the mindset of someone who believes
Cravings are uncontrollable and it is okay to feed the soul every once and a while
At some point in my distant past, I uncovered the truth that
I am food deprived, but there is no value in that
Once upon a time I was a person who told herself
I would sustain a healthy lifestyle, one of balance between control and freedom
In my dreams and in the future I wish for,
My appearance would be like that of a porcelain doll
There is nothing appealing a bout a life where
I have blemishes, pores, and acne
It is perfectly fine that
I lost the girl I used to be
Only when I became nothing, but the broken bones of a frail picture frame did I realize
Achieving a delicate figure is the true meaning of success
A bitter taste lingers on my mouth when I say that
Inner beauty is the most important of all
Clothes growing tighter prompt that
Constantly feeling cold signifies
Nothing special anymore
When I lose weight, it is
Like becoming a fairytale princess, finally finding her happily ever after
To me, enjoying the journey is
Exchanging my basic features for doll-like proportions truly is
Rest assured I will always listen to
Corrupted thoughts revolving in my head, fueled by hate and disgust
The opinions of another gradually transformed into
Everything I need, the oxygen that I survive on
Even with all the admiration in the world I would still be
Empty inside, hollow like the inside of a glass jar
Hunger is the way my body proves I am
Bettering myself for the greater good
Though in the quiet of my mind, I can still focus on
Missing pieces, parts of me that might never be fixed
In my heart, I feel the empty silhouette of what used to be
The key to living a life of contentment
What is needed for society’s conventional “success”, but
I have learned that those do not produce
Confidence and true satisfaction
Look at me and you will find
Someone who is guilty from eating dessert
Growing and maturing like I should be.