WINE CHIC(K)
TEXT
ANNABEL ONYANGO
THAT
AWKWARD
MOMENT
The older Annabel Onyango gets, the more she demands of her
drinking experience. Much to her dismay, however, local Kenyan
pubs just don’t seem to serve quality wine!
L
iving in Kenya, we all know
that awkward moment when
the waiter arrives with one
of those stubby wine glasses
with the too-yellow liquid inside, purported to be the white wine
you just ordered: the house white,
apparently. From the look of things, it
was extracted from a box belonging
to a very cheap brand and stashed
behind the bar for many months
until the contents became slightly
rancid. That’s that awkward moment
when you realize that you’re at a
(very) local bar. I know, I know...what
did I expect for the Ksh 250 per glass
listed in the plastic-covered menu? A
36.
glass of extra chilled Pavillion Blanc
from the Boschendal Estate, served
in a long stem glass?
I’ve always wondered why quality
wine is so undervalued at local pubs.
Beer and whisky obviously win out
as the local man’s poison of choice,
but isn’t there a discerning customer
every now and then that requires the
neighborhood joint to serve a wine
that you can actually enjoy? Going
by the laws of supply and demand,
do some people actually like their
glass of cheap boxed wine so much
that they order another?
The older I get, the more I demand
of my drinking experience. That first
beverage you order when you walk
into an establishment really does set
the tone for your entire experience
at that place. When the drinks just
don’t taste or look right, it ruins everything! The taste of that crisp liquid
in a clear dewy glass ignites the kind
of inner joy you will (alas!) never find
at a local Kenyan bar.
How to spot a bar that will serve you
dodgy wine:
1) There is a carwash in the parking
lot.
2) The overpowering scent of nyama
choma fills the air.
3) There is no one to seat you, to
each his own.
4) The first thing the staff do when
you sit down is wipe down the table.
5) The menus are plastic.
6) The waiter calls wine “sweet wine”
instead of just “wine”. (There is no
wine list, obviously).
7) When you complain that the wine
is off, the waiter offers you beer.
Annabel Onyango is an awardwinning Fashion Stylist in Africa.
She’s also a tv personality, social
influencer, and taste-maker. Style is
her do and end all.